my 17th!

what pigs love to eat. =D


engrossed with the tv show.
ugh! i look super UN-GLAM! :C


the pigs. who's the cutest?
hint: MEMEME! hahaha!

the result of boredom.


TRIPLE S!
Super Spastic Shots!



the MAKE-A-WISH process


the ice-cream cake, before & after!
yeah, we eat like piggo's!


1, 2 & 3!

diamonds crystal are is a girl's best friend!


the wild side of me.
okay pleeeaaasssseeee don't freak out.
I'M STRAIGHT! hahaha!

ehh, okay. that's all folks! :) :) :)

cause i can't show my face

im holding on to your pictures on my telephone, & i know that i should let you go but it's hard to break away.
i ask around & i wonder what you're doing now, but i hear that you've been going out a little more these days.

well i can't lie that i think from time to time, how you're doing.
well don't hang up, cause what i really meant to say is-
when everything is wrong & nothing's going right,
just know that i'm not hard to find.
so just say the word & i'll race to you tonight
& i'll be right there by your side.

appeal.

Oh, I am very weary,
Though tears no longer flow;
My eyes are tired of weeping,
My heart is sick of woe;

My life is very lonely,
My days pass heavily,
I'm wearing of repining,
Wilt thou not come to me?

Oh, didst thou know my longings
For thee, from day to day,
My hopes, so often blighted,
Thou wouldst not thus delay!

-Anne Bronte

wind me up!

stuck in my head:
wind it up - gwen stefani

"Everytime the bass bangs,
Realize it calls your name.
Let the beat wind you up,
And don't stop till your time is up.
Get in line now, wind it up!"

"I guess we can't really complain about karma.
It's not unfair. It's not unexpected.
It just evens the score."

runaway with my hope.

had food marathon on tuesday & wednesday.
OMG, i know. fatty pig like me should stop eating. =]

sushi tei with corrie, tuesday evening. sat there and slowly ate our noodles 'til 7. she felt like eating fondue, so i hopped to haagen dazs across the street. YUMYUM! seduced her while eating, which always doesn't work. ohoh, and we looked as if we were out on a date! LOL.

out with tina, wednesday. ichiban boshi for lunch & then headed down to IMM to meet miss Kyeo. :) chatchatchat at the coffee club 'til 5:30pm & she dropped us off at bugis. ela came &we stayed at tcc 'til 10:30pm. slacked & had ♥to♥ with tins at the poolside.

oh! did i mention that she stayed over for 2days? :):):) she just left. had a really great super-fun time with her. :)

ugh, hope i'll be able to hop around outside tomorrow with tins & kyeo as planned.
yeah, i'd rather stay out &have coffee tea & (i want to say milk) vodka with anyone i could think off, even though i hate the attention people gives me all the time (that i want to slap their faces and pull out their eyeballs!). I'M SO BORED AT HOME, all by myself! :(

stuck in my head:
wherever you will go - the calling

"If I could, then I would,
I'll go wherever you will go.
Way up high or down low,
I'll go wherever you will go."

I know now, just quite how,
My life and love might still go on.
In your heart, in your mind,
I'll stay with you for all of time.

drink, drank, drunk!

stuck in my head:
show stopper - danity kane

"Bet you ain't never seen,
Chicks ridin' this clean.
Louis Vuitton seats,
We do it deadly.
This how we keep it poppin',
Make sure that bass knockin'.
So when you see us ridin',
We call it show stoppin'."

i feel so hyper right now. but i cant jump or anything, damn it. oh and that stupid corrie made me feel like drinking after she told me she felt like drinking. seems like the alcoholic in me didn't die off when i actually thought it did. xD i told her that we can go to a 7eleven and then pretend to be 18. if we dont pass i'll use my crutches to hit the person's head &then we'll run off together.
okay that's the lamest story i've ever told. hmm anyhows, we're meeting for dinner at sushi tei around 7-ish. :) you better not be late LEONG! LOL! ;)

CREEPY.

stuck in my head:
fixing a broken heart - indecent obsession

"You really know where to start,
Fixing a broken heart.
You really know what to do.
Your emotional tools can cure any fool,
Whose draems have broken apart.
Fixing a broken heart."

slept at 5 last night finishing up the skin.
quite satisfied, though there were a few minutes i felt like something was behind me. &then there was once i heard a cat meow-ing very loudly, which as usual gave me the creeps ever since mrs. aidil told us about the snickering-cat story. omg, it scared the shit outta me.
ahh, i'm a lil scared right now. going off going off!! BYEBYE.

ps, crystal! i know you're laughing your head off while reading this 'cos you cant stand my humji-ness. hahaha!

happy cny!

stuck in my head:
tell me - p diddy feat. christina aguilera

"Tell me, what you thinking about,
When your hands is all on me.
Cause I've been thinking about,
All the possibilities.
Ain't no other place that I really wanna be,
Cause you're sweepin' me off my feet.
Boy, I got my eyes on you,
Tell me what you wanna do.
I can picture you in my room,
Until the morning.
I don't even know your name.
Boy, I need to know your name.
I'm hoping that you feel the same,
Tell me if you want it."

happy cheena new year, everyone!

happy birthday, bro!

vila'ge with bro & sis last night.
expected the food to be different from marche. turned out, everything is the same! oh but it was okay 'cos we love the food there. :)
was treated like a princess throughtout the whole night. :):):)
oh anyway, here's a song dedicated to my brother ('cos he loves this song!), whose birthday was on the 15th.
happy birthday bro. &&, i love you! :)

stuck in my head:
welcome to the black parade - my chemical romance

"We'll carry on, we'll carry on.
Though your dead and gone believe me,
Your memory will carry on,
We'll carry on.
And in my heart I cant contain it,
The anthem wont explain it."

you!:(

rock my world.

stuck in my head:
geek in the pink - jason mraz

"I don't care what she might think about me,
You can vibe without me if you want.
I could be the one to take her home,
Baby we could rock the night alone.
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down,
But sugar don't forget what you already know.
I could be the one to turn you out,
We could be the talk across the town.
Don't judge me by the color, confuse it for another.
You might regret what you let slip away."

belated.

stuck in my head:
hurt - christina aguilera

"I'm sorry for blaming you,

For everything I just couldn't do.

And I've hurt myself by hurting you."

happy belated valentines..

loveday.

happy valentines day
to all lovers and friends!
MWAH! share the love!

stuck in my head:
grace - kate havnevik

"Nothing comes easily,
Fill this empty space.
Nothing is like it seems,
Turn my grief to grace."

4.46am, still wide awake.
so, where do i begin?

last week & today!

stuck in my head:
no promises - shayne ward

"I don't wanna run away,
Baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight,
I just wanna die in your arms,
Here tonight."

HELLO! i just realised i forgot to update about my haircut last wednesday with corrie.
we reached color bar at around 6-ish. reached there and i went, "OMG." know why? 'cos i we had to climb the stairs! and i only have a leg to hop so, oh no! but i still survived. wanna know how i climbed the stairs? i used my ass! yeah, smart but embarrassing. ugh. okay so when i reached the 2nd level, cut our hair &did treatment to kill time 'cos corrie was going for highlights. yeah, two hours went by. oh, did i mention that corrie's cousin came along? yeah she did. she was the one hailing our cab when we were taking pictures. so nice of her. :)

yeah here's the update for today.
woke up really early today despite having only a few hours of sleep. reason being, we have to go to temasek poly to check out the courses! so phiney woke me up, &waited for her to fetch me. reached the place &both of us didn't know what to do so we finally sat down and talked to this guy. ugh, my god he is such an a-hole. he told us that given our results, we wouldn't stand a chance in getting into any art courses even though are art result aren't bad. so when he swept away our hopes just like that, we headed down for a snack at some small canteen in the school 'cos potato head was hungry. her cousin came down after around 20mins and she told us all about this mean, selfish head of design guy and yeah it was him. ugh, all the things he told us were lies and i feel like throwing pies onto his frigging face!

okay so we went back to the JAE place and we asked about apparel design. tried enquiring about JPSAE &everything. then i wanted to go through DAE too but it was inside an auditorium that has stairs all the way down, so i just passed on that. okay i forgot to tell you guys the part where i hop and fall. basically i just hopped and fell on my ass a few steps before i reached the auditorium. it was super embarrassing 'cos at that point of time, people were already going up and then i was trying to go down then BANG! i fall. so yeah. but it was not that bad 'cos phiney's cousin was there. thanks! :)

cabbed down to sushi tei for phiney's work at 2.30pm. we were in the same cab so i went there with her to have my lunch/dinner and to pay the people there a visit too. :) it was nice seeing all of them again 'cos i miss them super, even though it's only been a week. :(
okay so stayed there 'til 6 'cos i want to spend time with my 4 bitches. &yay! my cast doesn't look so dull already 'cos they wrote lotsa stuffs on it already. :):):)
cabbed back home and slept like a pig 'til i woke up and realised i have to do my JPSAE & JAE stuffs.

okay, i'm writing in a really boring way right now 'cos i feel bored.
byebye now.

to stupid potato head. LOL!

stuck in my head:
speeding cars - imogen heap
"There, there, babyIt’s just text book stuff.It’s in the ABC of growing up.Now, now, darlin’,Oh don’t lose your head'.Cause none of us were angels,And you know I love you, yeah."

okay it isn't really stuck in my head.
i just want to dedicate this song to that stupid potato head.
hahaha! touched right? stupid potato head. LOL!

results day. #$%^&*!!

shall start of with something really horrifying.
got back our o level results this friday. omg, super horrid. i was so shocked with some subjects. some because i passed, others because i passed really well, and mostly 'cos i hated what i saw.
anyway i was in a really really angry/ dissatisfied/ furious/ irritated mood when ch'ng handed me my result slip. &then i slowly calmed myself down. of course i wouldn't have done it without my friends. they didn't do anything actually, but they give me just have that kind of power to make me feel better without doing anything. :)

oh so after hanging out at cwss' hall, &after watching them (with envy) play volleyball, we decided to go over to holland v's essential brew. crazy pictures below!


shirley
was
emo-ing
and
i
.
.
didn't
know
what
i
was
doing!

ugh!i suddenly remembered something.
while i was sitting at the benches, i showed them a very very pretty picture of me.(i know what you're thinking right now, SO THINCKSKINNED! but.. WHO CARES!)
haha, so anyway you know what they said??
they said i looked like PORN-erish THERE!
and it is so not true okay! 'cos i look SEDUCTIVE, not PORN-erish at all! HMPF!
LOL!

okay enough bout all that NONSENSE, the pictures above are only the 4 of us 'cos lihui wanted to go to ginza plaza first, so chermaine &crystal went with her & i was with the other half of the group. when they finally reached, we ordered. ugh! spent so much on food that day! but it was okay 'cos i had fun with my supergirlfriends! :)
after dinner all we did was chat and share to everyone about our funny sushitei moments! it was so hilarious, our cheek bones hurt after that! and we didnt stop there. when we were about to leave, we started laughing again 'cos i couldn't stand up! we we're like, crazy already. okay, you wouldn't understand 'cos you're not crazy. hahaha!

hmm..i've to go now. it's already 3:03!
okayokay, so here's me, showing you how frustrated i was (and still am) over my results.

TOODLES!

just a song.

stuck in my head:
that's why you go - michael learns to rock
"I won't forget the way you're kissing, the feeling so strong, we're lasting for so long. But I'm not the man your heart is missing. That's why you go away, I know."
sorry been away for so long.
will update as soon as i get the pictures from phiney.
so, byebye for now!

dedicated to our beloved potato queen.

celebrated my potato partner's birthday on the 22nd. met at around 7-ish at town area. &then we walked around while deciding where to eat dinner. finally decided on sakura. buffet, so expensive! paid a freakin' 26bucks for their lousy food. only their ice cream was great. okay, fine fine. i'm not a food critic or anything. their food wasn't that bad actually, but for 26bucks, it isn't worth it!

so after that we walked back to cine's arcade. played air hockey & daytona. they said i drive like a mad woman. hahaha! =D
yep, then walked over to youth park. sat on the works PARK while chatting. went home after we got tired of crapping.

so the rest of the days were as per normal. work, duh! i keep on working but i don't feel any richer! damn, i'm broke man. oh it's alright. one more day to go before PAYDAY! no no, i'm not gonna spend the money. i'm gonna save up for emergency purposes. but still, i wanna feel the crispy dollar notes &the taste of how bill gates lives his life. HAHAHA! omg, i sound so $$ face! probably influenced by shui jing jie! LOL! just kidding. :)



okay, nothing else to say but AU REVIOR!
so here's phiney & i signing off with our favorite CROSSED EYES pose.

oh! before i forget, just wanna wish my potato partner a very very HAPPY BIRTHDAY, though it's a lil belated. :)

ILOVEYOU TO BITS MY SUPER PHINEY POTATO QUEEN!
&no matter how old we'll get, this phrase will never ever go out of style: "phiney rocks my socks!" ;)

MWAH!

TURN BACK TIME

blogging again at such an odd hour. gosh, only one day off from work &my old habit's back!

i was preoccuppied with work for the last few days that i went missing. work &only work. although tiring, it was fun at the same time. :)
i remembered seeing michelle chong & xiaxue's rival miss izzy with a caucasian guy who i think she slept with during the later part of the night. (haha!)
&then another day after that, crystal &i saw the very hot actor vincent sitting at breko with a friend during our lunch break. yeah, i know we were very lucky. if only he was half-naked, as in him without wearing any shirt would be total hotness! =D

oh &there was a day when i ended work early, my sister invited me over to have dinner at her friend's place. nothing special with that, i thought. but the moment when we reached, i soon found out that her friends are CHEFS-in-training)! but ah, even so each of them have their own secret recipe for every dish. &the result, super-duper delicious food! :) we got to drink red wine too, my fave. :) plus! my sis &i got to bring home a tray full of lasagne. yummy!

today was supposed to be beach day with laurie at kuso beach but the plan was cancelled due to the heavy showers in the morning. so we went ahead with agenda no 2 which is shopping. oh before shopping had lunch with sissy, laurie, xinhui, ericsson &jiale at thai express. only ate half a share of the red ruby dessert ('cos i'm not gonna give up my diet plan even though i ate more the last couple of days!!) melvin came afterwards. next was neoprint at far east plaza with everyone. :) &then the 2 pairs of lovebirds parted from us &the three of us were left to shop. saw many many pretty shoes but couldn't buy them as i'm not rich at the moment. :( so, i bought what i really need, TOPS! :) bought 3tops today. they're really pretty. :) okay fine, i couldn't resist not buying anything for my precious feet so i bought a pair of white flip-flops for myself. =D
aww, still lusting over the pink zara handbag &the metallic pink party bag from M&S. :(

gah! i miss my clique to bits! 2days left to finally see them again.

&imissYOU too. i know it's not the same anymore. but even so, no matter how big &awful the fights we had were, you will never ever be forgotten. 'cos no matter what happens, a part of you will remain in my heart, always.
iloveyou still. even only as a friend.

maybe we tried just a little too hard,
&now we are strangers again..

shopping conquers all!

hello hello people! :):):)
from the title, you can tell what i did today.. SHOPPING! yay!

met loredana at 5.30pm. went to rochor center for awhile to look for the post office. we had trouble finding it &when we finally did, it was already closed! damn it, &then worse. my right shoe snapped! hahaha, it was funny &embarrassing at the same time 'cos people were looking at me, wondering why i was walking barefooted.

walked around to find shoes. saw og &immediately went in. =D at first the shoes we saw were ugly. &then i was desperately in need of shoes so i opened my eyes wider &saw this really really gorgeous pair of shoes. bought it! it's 40bucks & i hesitated for awhile but i was so in love with that i didn't care in the end. =D

next stop was bugis street. shopped &it was so so fun! :) it's like shopping paradise in there! bought 5tops & a bolero. our feet were hurting but we still continued 'cos shopping conquers all! LOL!

anyway, i really enjoyed myself today after such a long time. happy with my shoes, my clothes &my day. :) ohoh, &another thing that made me happy is that i finally got to use my MNG bag! :) &i wore matching underwear today. :):):)

god, i miss my girls. it's been 6497891326105 years since i last went out with them, all together! ugh! i miss lila shirley &delphine the most-est. :(

i can still feel the sorrow through my veins..

REALITY

yo there!
damn i feel so tired, but i feel like blogging so here i am! :):):)

started work at 2.30pm today. worked alone for the first few hours &i was bored to death! my mood was from bad to worse considering the fact that i only had 4.5hours of sleep! ugh! i thought my whole day was ruined but when crystal came, i felt so much better. :)

yep, worked worked &worked. it wasn't boring at all 'cos it was very busy. i love it when it's busy 'cos we never run out of things to do. didn't do g/w today, but actually i don't mind anymore 'cos i'm used to it already. :)

ate lotsa sushis again. but not so much. :)
ahh! fell down the stairs just now. stood up by myself! :) hmm, hurt my knee. not that painful at first but now it hurts so much more than just now . :( my mum put something on it. ugh, damn painful! so sad, it'll leave a very ugly scar. :(

oh so anyway i'm happy happy happy. i don't know why but i'm good, really. not that sad anymore. maybe i'm really just so sick &tired of caring for people who doesn't care about me at all. it's very very pointless, &stupid too.

reality will never change just to go my way.
trying to save what's left of my heart &soul-

sushi love!

hello! :)
had a great time today! :)
actually my morning wasn't that great 'cos i woke up at 9am which is too early 'cos i slept at 4.30am last night. not enough sleep! was very cranky until before i left the house.

went to bugis again with hf &cry to change the skirt that i bought yesterday. they gave me the wrong length! it was too short for me 'cos my legs are too long! &you know when i sit down with that skirt, everyone can see my everything down there! hahaha! so yeah, changed it. walked around a lil more. we stopped at this perfume shop &i was so tempted to buy the miracle limited edition set that hui fen bought! ugh! but i'm sort of broke :( so i didn't buy anything. crystal bought her escada perfume, finally &she's so happy. :)

okay, walked around a lil more before i head to work. went in butt on & i bought myself 3pairs of panties! lol, so damn happy. :) i know it's just panties but i like buying cutesy panties. they make me happy. :)

ahh! was late for work for like 5mins! damn, half of my one-hour pay flew off just like that. but it's okay. it's not that much anyway. okay okay, work today was surprisingly fun &even though i worked alone today, i didn't feel the least entertained! some of us talked like nobody's business before the peak hours. but after that everyone was busy but still it was fun! :)

did g/w but i wasn't pissed at all. i did it without complaining or anything! :) i'm so proud of myself, hahaha! & then after i washed everything i went over to the table &guess what, they have my favorite tamago, like finally! yay yay yay! so happy okay. 'cos there usually isn't any tamago leftovers. &some more they have unagi too. my two favorites were there so i ate more than usual. =D

&now here i am blogging about my almost perfect day. ahh, i feel so light hearted, maybe 'cos there wasn't anything or anyone distracting me today. but oh well, it's just a day. it'll be back tomorrow again, as usual. same old heavy heart. :(

dying inside!

i realised that i've been blogging at such odd hours for the past few days. don't really know why but anyway, here's the update for today.

first was work, &i felt lonely for the last hour 'cos cry &maine were off at 4 &i can only be free at 5. okay so when the clock struck 5 i ran up the stairs like a kid out from school. hahaha, i don't like working alone 'cos i'll die without them. =D so yep, had my dinner upstairs &went off at around 6plus. it was raining so we had to dash across to the bus stop.

we waited for chermaine to board the bus, &then waited for more than an hour for our dearest hf. hahaha, but it was okay 'cos crystal &i have each other to talk to. :)

so yep, met corrie &then bugis to shop for whatever we can find. it was fun even though the shoes i was wearing hurt my precious feet, but it was okay. :) bought a pretty pretty skirt! :) okay okay, so anyway when we saw all the shops closing we decided to have a seat at some coffee shop &chat. at first it was starbucks but we changed our minds &went over to tcc instead. ordered cheesecakes! :) &then some potato wedges as suggested by you-know-who. alright alright, it was me. but that doesn't mean that my diet's off okay! i just ate slightly more than usual, that's all. =D

11.45 we hurried down to the bus stop. realised that almost all the buses are already gone, went to the mrt station, found out that the last train for boon lay has left, went to another bus stop to catch the bus number 7. &guess what, with all the trouble we had from walking here to there, we still didn't catch the bus! hahaha, blah blah blah. something really funny happened along the way but i shan't say it out 'cos it's very very embarrassing for crystal. WAHAHA!
took such a long time hailing a cab, &it almost got stolen from me okay 'cos there's this stupid rude idiot, a guy, who knew i wanted to take a cab but he still went in front of me &then i was so pissed that i stood right in front of him &while i walked passed him i gave him an i-feel-like-killing-you stare &a very very loud TSK! =p
oh so now i'm home. finally! 'cos my feet are like dying soon. hahaha! xD

loosened up, gave in a lil. nothing will go back to what it used to be. he's there but he's not there. he's someplace else, wandering around. but i'm staying put. i never want to leave because i can't, &it's so hard to leave something like that. no matter how hard i try i'm still there, &you're going further &further, until i can't even see you anymore. but you know what, it's fine. i'm getting used to the pain &exhaustion. i'm dealing with it all right now..

hong kong! &other days.

okay, i know i haven't been around blogging for almost a month now. i even missed christmas &new year! i'm sorry guys (or whoever still reads this deserted blog). so um, BELATED MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR! :)

i spent my christmas countdown days working my ass &slacking at home. nothing much really happened.
for christmas (eve) however, met up with huifen &vane at holland village to wait for our precious crystal to get off from work. while waiting, we decided to bus down to west mall to have a chat while eating our coffee bean cakes. went back to holland to fetch crystal from work, sat down at the market. jianqing &corrie joined us a while later. we couldn't decide where to go &there was a point of time everyone became bored so someone decided to go clarke quay.
so we spent the night over there, had supper &then sat at the riverside to chat 'till around 6.
yep, i know i know. it wasn't christmassy at all but who cares? i was with my friends!

the next morning i practically slacked at home, packed my suitcase for my trip to hong kong. it was christmas so we decided to order in, pizza hut.

26th, the big day. okay it wasn't that big a day but i haven't gone there for nearly a decade already! touched down in hong kong at around 7pm. it was exciting 'cos i haven't seen my dearest cousins for 3years now &i tell ya, those 3years has made a lot of changes to everyone &everything! they all grew up ¬ to mention, TALLER! one of my cousin who is my age is now a 6 footer! god, time really flies. BUT! there are some things that will never change. things like late-night monopoly games, dvd marathons, piles &piles of archie &other comic books in the toilet &.. our love for FOOD! =D

went to disneyland as planned on one of the days. the rides were not very thrilling but the trip was still fun considering the fact that we rode almost everything together. &when you step inside, you'll feel like you're reliving your childhood all over again! disney shows, cartoony mascots, parades, mickey-shaped food, balloons &fireworks! it's like living in fairy tale land!
took lots of pictures there, but i'm too lazy to upload them. maybe next time. :)

many days it was shopping. & i felt serious guilt when i calculated the amount of money i spent 'cos my sister, who we labelled shopping queen, didn't spend as much as me! aww, but she comforted me in many ways so i feel much better now. :)
met many new people like my sis' friend ericson who went shopping with us, charles &clinton my cousins' cousins &jeff my cousins' cousins' cousin. joined them in their little game of basketball &we also had a very noisy dinner. =D overall, hongkong was fun fun FUN! (especially because it's winter there!)

so i said goodbye to smooth silky hair & not so oily skin on the 2nd. what i was feeling that day was so mixed, i couldn't define what it is! leaving hong kong was so hard, but staying is hard too! i didn't know what to do or what to feel but i still have to come back to singapore so i didn't really have much of a choice. (okay, that is so me!)

so yep, today's the 5th &all i did for the previous days were work &work, slack &slack.
just came back from novena square half an hour ago, alone. yeah, i know what you're thinking, such a loner i am. it's just that i wanna spend some time alone, taking a walk while listening to my mp3 to make myself feel better. so i went there to check on how much money i have in my back account, found that i'm kinda rich (haha) so i went to shop a lil. stopped by the shoe shop where i found the to-die shoes i still love. i wanted to buy them but they were still out of my size! :( took a short visit to mph &i just found out that they are now selling my favorite baby blues NEW treaury, FRAMED! oh my gosh, i want it so much ('cos i wanna add it in my baby blues collection) but i decided to buy it another time. =D adidas was having a sale so i went in, took a shirt & a skirt that i really really want BUT they were out of my size!! damn it. i felt seriously devastated so i went in nike &found myself a cute PURPLE bag! i bought it, 'cos i'm sad, & IT'S PURPLE! =D

okay, i still feel miserable. i don't know why! or maybe i do know why but i'm not gonna tell you! :x

ps. sorry i typed out so much! i know i'm so so naggy. i like telling grandmother stories! hahaha!

rubbish

2weeks from the previous update.
nothing much really. been working, working, going out, working. the first day of work we were dead tired 'cos we weren't used to it. "our leg's feel as if it's gonna break!", quoted by chermaine. hahaha! met a few new people at work. some are nasty, some are cool, some are cute, some are angelic, some are attractive, some are assholes. but most of them are nice. =D
BUT! i think i'm gonna turn into a workaholic soon! i can't take the boredom at home!
i just finished watching all 5seasons of smallville, &it's not enough! i need more dvd's! :( the tv programs aren't always nice, &going online isn't as fun as watching shows. AHH! help me!

well hmm actually, my life isn't that boring. =D met up with crystal, huifen, vanessa &corrie yesterday for a little shopping. rushed to the restaurant at around 10pm to get the menu from them. omg, it was kinda embarrassing 'cos we ran in the rain &when we reached there we look as though we took a shower! after that we went to eat stingray &then homed.

few days ago my sis, my bro &i met up at marche to eat dinner. delish! i know i know, i planned on going for a diet. don't think that i've already stopped. it's still on okay! i lost 2kg already! :) but i don't look like i just lost 2kg right? :(

on the 9th we went to ms. yeo's wedding. aww, she looks really pretty. & we took several pictures. other teachers were there too. after that crystal &i slacked at corrie's house. took many many pictures again. =D

yay! i'm going shopping tomorrow with my sis! yay! :)
(i'm really sorry this entry is a lil messy 'cos i'm really very bored!)
byebye!

the one person that seemed to be my whole universe had slowly slipped away without me realising a damn thing. bit by bit the rope that used to tie us together became a thread that could barely hold us back to each other..

"an escapist" is what i can be called. i used to run away from every little (or big) fight we encountered, thinking foolishly that things would be better that way. we led such a joyous yet complex life together. stupidity played along &the number of problems piled up. how i wished i knew how ugly it will turn out to be playing such a mindless game..

days passed, then weeks, then months. life was per normal, until one day i realised what i had been missing outside: the perfect world of my own, the satisfying life i've always wanted to live. i had the sudden urge of facing every challenge, i started to be someone who i want to be.

a collision is what i may call this. he was leading the same old life we had, but i was heading towards a very different direction. running mile after mile away from every question, it came to a time where we couldn't catch up anymore. i started realising things, very unpleasant things that can never make me look at our relationship the same way i did before. you, being able to make me laugh even at my lowest, making me feel so warm. you used to be what i called my "happy hormone", but everything started changing when i started trying to be a whole new person.

all the things came right at me one very day when i was transforming: this whole relationship was full of mistakes, mistakes that can never be corrected due to our lack of understanding &our several differences. don't get me wrong. i never thought that the times we had was a mistake. it's just that everyday it comes right at me without fail, that what we had was like an endless fairytale. but because of my selfishness, my immorality, it came to a point where all i wanted is myself to be happy, to get what i really want. my love slowly got washed away by sunlight &rain..

all i want is to fly free again. to look at the world with great pride, to seek many unbelievable findings about human life, to become me but not me. my desire to be someone i'm not was too much, leaving you behind me, slowly losing my grip as a result.

it's all my fault. if only it was the same as before.. if only i had loved him the same way, then i wouldn't be able to let him slip away just because of a little thing called freedom. i'll do what master says, act like master acts. &then everything would the same.

sometimes i wonder why i became such an idiot, that i left someone like you behind without even knowing it, or a smartass, to finally realise what the world has to offer me.

but now i don't know what i want anymore. i don't want to get back to the old illogical & dependent me. i want to learn things. at the same time i want to be crazy, forgiving &become the out-of-the-world girlfriend i used to be, just to get the love of my life back in my arms.
just from flashbacks, &i want to be back there even with the chains around my ankles. but then i wake up everytime and look at the place surrounding me. &then i realise that the whole world is ahead, waiting for me.

hopes about us had reached to the height of mount everest. i know a year ago, i asked the same question but who cares? i haven't got the answer to it yet:
is HOPE the first step down the path to disappointment?
or is it the magic that keeps us hanging in there even when our minds' battling with our hearts?

so tell me which way to go, the past or the future? 'cos i cant take it anymore..

back from a blast!

after disappearing for months, i've finally found time (& mood) to start writing about my life again. i tell you, the past few months i've had weren't just "the past few months". it felt like many many years of hardships &discontentment, not to mention PAIN.
ups &downs, lefts &rights. you name it, i've got it.

since no one is actually reading my stuff already, i shall write freely ¬ "hide behind bushes".
i've been admitted again, &sad to say, it won't be the last time. although times in there were pretty rough &tough, i'd say i've learned many things about people (shan't say what) & met several people who has gone through so much &still remain intact. :)
all i want to say is, thank you to those who found time to visit me, because even for just that moment you guys made me feel comfortable. :)
thank you, you guys.
okay, specifically it's the great wonderful people in my life, my clique, who hadn't make me feel empty &alone.
yanping, roger &wenjie. people who obviously is close to my heart.
huiyi &limin, the ones who took the trouble to pay me a visit.
gillian, the girl who can never stop laughing.
vanessa &huifen, 2very nice &caring people.
mr chua, who bought for me 2 of each type of pau from the most famous pau store in singapore, &mr lee, the one who never failed to bring me scrumptuous delicacies everytime he drops by.

last but not least, my hero. the one who brought me a bouquet of roses right after school, the one who took the pain to make me a cute gundam &color it with my favorite color even during the mugging period of our o's, the only one who took me downstairs to light candles during the mid-autumn festival, the one who never ever fails to tuck me to bed (even by phone =D) every single night of my stay in that horrible place.

it was sad, a few days after i had been discharged it was crystal's birthday, & i didn't make it!
sorry crystal, i know it means a lot to you. really sorry.
oh, &i wanna greet her a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY here, :) .

so enough about that.
before &during o's were the worst days of my life. everyone was trying to be the toughest of the toughest. most art students were practically living in hell way before o levels began. had to finish our coursework, &after coursework was paper1 which we had to do before our o's &hand it all up up together with our final design. i tell you, it was horrid horrid HORRID!

after art our hearts felt a lil lighter, it's like the whole burden art brought to us finally went gone & is O-V-E-R! the rest of the papers were okay, maybe except for maths 1 'cos i panicked & almost died, chemistry 'cos i totally did not know anything despite the countless of days i wasted mugging that stupid pathetic half a subject (!!!!!!!), accounts 'cos i totally gave up mid-way, &history 'cos dang it, i studied the wrong chapters!

after o's everyone was relieved. we thought of celebrating so ley, phiney &i went to catch step up. okay, after that day, the rest of the days were invaded by boredom.
only except for the days we went present hunting for chermaine's birthday. we actually thought that it was easy getting her something this time 'round because we know exactly what she wanted: a white nike watch. but we didn't expect it to be as hard a before! we went in several nike shops &found every other color except for a white one. the worst thing was, every nike shop has the exact same watches, so how are we gonna find her dream watch??

so, we decided to hunt for watches with other brands like adidas. nada! finally, when we arrived lido ley &phiney spotted this white watch, it's gorgeous but we hesitated to buy it 'cos it isn't a nike. in the end, we bought it anyway. hahaha!

the day of chermaine's birthday, it was stressful yet exciting. we had to rush here & there to get everything done because we thought that the ever so punctual chermaine would be punctual. but haha, guess what, she wasn't! in fact, she was very very late! but it's okay, now it's our turn to wait & it's her day anyway so, who cares?? =D

everything went on smoothly. our plan was not ruined even though we rushed on everything. cafe cartel first. we gave her a very very small slice of cake to make her think that we actually don't have any more money to buy her the big cake. we sang the happy birthday song &she was so so embarrased 'cos people were looking. so we ate, everyone was bloated &then the big cake arrived! we embarrased her again! hahaha. but it all went fine. we were very sweet actually, we ate the whole cake together using our forks! :)

we quickly ate and then we rushed to the cinema. we bluffed maine about the movie, & the first thing she said when we reached was "walao eh". it was 9:56, a horror movie, &she doesn't like horror movies 'cos she gets scared. hahaha! & throughout the movie, she covered her eyes &only allowed herself to look at the subtitles! how cute is that!

after the movie we walked from cine to cathay cineplex. we hung out there for awhile, surfed the net & then we went off. we had a fun day, all 7 of us. :)

been hanging out with chermaine &crystal lately, especially crystal. we've been finding jobs together. always hanging around holland v &town to job-hunt. after many painful days of rejections, we finally found a job! & the best part is.. we get good money! :) we're gonna start on the 11th, & we are so excited! especially me &crystal. our eyes are like filled with dollar signs whenever we think of the job! =D

okay so i guess i've filled in all the blank pages from the past months. :)

what is love to you anyway?
merely a four letter acronym?

what is love to you?
tell me.

i wish i were good enough for you.
oh but doesn't every other little girl?

i love you,

khL

it'll be alright. :)

though i don't really know what i'm going to do when i get there,
take a breath and hold on tight.
spin around one more time,
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.

'cos im hanging on every word you say,
&even if you don't want to speak tonight,
that's alright.
alright with me.
'cos i want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door &listen to you breathing.
that's where i wanna be..


cheer up, darling.
everything's gonna be alright.
baby, it'll be alright..

remember me this way..

every now and then
we find a special friend
who never lets us down.
who understands it all,
reaches out each time you fall.
you're the best friend that i've found..

i'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true.
that life will just be kind
to such a gentle mind.
and if you're losing your way,
think back on yesterday,
remember me this way.
remember me this way..

i don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me,
no matter where i go.
and i know that you'll be there,
forevermore, a part of me,
you're everywhere.

i'll always care

and i'll be right behind your shoulder, watching you.
i'll be standing by your side in all you do.
and i won't ever leave,
as long as you believe.
you just believe..



i know you can't stay,
but part of you will never, ever go away.
your heart will stay..

hey little baby, little lover boy,
get in my arms, give me some joy.
i wanna hold you tonight,
it'll be alright.
'cause the night is long and i hunt for you.
in this darkest hour, where have you gone to?
won't you come to my side?
i need you tonight..

well in case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see,
this is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees.



these foolish games are tearing me apart.
your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
you're breaking my heart..

heavy heart.
real heavy.

i'm trapped in a box and i can't breathe.

i believe that i swore not to write, ever again, about that particular thing.
i just don't know why it came back to me all of a sudden.

i had a nightmare last night.
i was in the toilet doing my business, and then suddenly there was blood all over my gums. my chin started forming a hole and then i called out loud for help to anyone who could hear me but no one was there.
it was the most horrible nightmare i've ever had since i think a decade ago.

a decade ago, HISTORY.
i can't believe the past is coming back at me. the whole 10 years, back!
i don't know whether i should be happy or sad. joyous or maybe just extremely bad memories, it's just the past. nothing more. at least, if i could put it that way.

whatever it is, i'll try not to care anymore.
i'm going out with lila later to watch she's the man. :)

because i feared what i did not know but have wanted to know-

I have come far enough
from where I was not before,
to have seen the things
looking in at me from through the open door

and have walked tonight
by myself,
to see the moonlight
and see it as trees

and shapes more fearful,
because I feared
what I did not know
but have wanted to know.

My face is my own, I thought.
But you have seen it
turn into a thousand years.
I watched you cry.

I could not touch you.
I wanted very much to
touch you
but could not.

If it is dark
when this is given to you,
have care for its content
when the moon shines.

My face is my own.
My hands are my own.
My mouth is my own
but I am not.

Moon, moon,
when you leave me alone
all the darkness is
an utter blackness,

a pit of fear,
a stench,
hands unreasonable
never to touch.

But I love you.
Do you love me.
What to say
when you see me.

-Robert Creeley

:)

wow. to think that it's already been 6months.
so there's just you & me. buffet @ sakae, thrill @ the nun.
yes my love. six months full of hardships with a mixture of sweet love.

SIX MONTHS!
and you're still the one.
<3
time flies right? don't you think so?

complex mind

the hundred year old thing that no one has ever thought of going back to. it just wouldn't go. and i thought it left already but sometimes i can't help but remember how it pinches my heart.

and the thing is, i don't know what could make me feel better.
& you know something funny? i know that pain is the one that reminds us of how far we've gone.
but why is this pain so unbearable?

i watched me fade in your mind,
like fireflies in the morning horizon,
subtle & sleek.

days when i knew you existed .
yet you watched me,
fade like fireflies in the night sky,
constant & endless.

soon denying your existance,
i ran. & then
i said with a smile so faint,
goodbye..

just get out.

Sometimes I wonder why people spend their lives missing things, or people.

i was given a new nickname just a few minutes ago.
wanna know what it is?

it's..
U
F
O

hahaha!

you wanna know why i'm laughing my ass off??

'cos UFO is short for UNKNOWN FATTY OBJECT!
wahaha!

so lame.. but cute too!
guess who made this nickname for me..
hahaha!

the past is such and isn't really worth going back to.
moving foward is what's important, it's the only thing that exists.

life is really nice, actually. you know the phrase "some people makes the world special just by being in it." you wouldn't believe that this is not only for hanlin, who everyone thinks is my life. it's actually for everyone who i care most about, those who hold their hearts close to mine.

you know who you are. let's just stop all these conflicts and move on..

SOS

i can't help it.
it's haunting me again.
it's coming back-
the nightmares/

hanlin save me..
ineedyouNOW.
idon'twannaGOBACKTHERE..

i wanna announce to the whole world that:
1. shirley gan is the cutest person in the whole wide world.
2. shirley gan is the best!
3. shirley gan is a cute and definitely the best lobster in the whole world!

i love shirley gan aka lobster!
mwah!

greatgreat love. <3

the greatest achievement i've ever had in my whole life: i did my experiment all by myself! with some help by master skinny during the start, of course. but i did it! ahh! i did it! congratulate me anyone?? congratulate me! it's more of an order than a request. hahaha!

hmm, just wanna say,
i love my stupid sotong/ skinny/ siao kia/ honeybunny to bits! :)

ohoh! and i did something really very bad today. while walking pass the market, there was this lil kid who was running to her mummy or whoever, and i was looking at the sky instead of the ground so the kid didn't turn on her brakes, bumped onto my chicken legs and then dropped on the floor! ahhh! it's like the the dumbest thing i've ever done for the week! oh that poor girl. SORRY! :(

there's nothing i can do. i just can't help loving you.. :)

artstravaganza rehearsal on thursday. watched it and i all i can say is IT IS NOT GOOD. stayed there till 6 and then off to clementi for dinner with my genniex. saw cheryl waiting for yy outside the salon. ate at kfc &stayed there till like 7 plus and then went home. tiring day! oh, and we hung around corrie's place for awhile while waiting for the time to pass. :)

and the day has arrived. ARTSTRAVAGANZA.
damn it. it was okay at first. everyone was cool. and then the people satrted to go in and some very irritating and fucked-up people came, which ruined my entire fucking day. yeah, they're like the shit outta my ass. FUCK THEM. well aside from that everything turned out to be great in the concert. very very united. and the actual thing is so so different from the rehearsal! a TOTAL TRANSFORMATION! (though there are some people who really shouldn't be in there performing 'cos they look so EWWW)

shit. i'm really really confused! FRUSTRATED!
i just don't get it. i mean, i'm not a bad person. why does this have to happen to me. i read something and then everything in myself changes especially my mood. damn it. i just don't know why i had to get jealous and angry over some things i read over the internet. you know that kind of feeling that without me in their life, everything is entirely perfect. it sucks. :(

grrr. i'm so pissed! STILL! about EVERYTHING!
I HATE MY PERIOD!

i want to drink and drink until i get drunk!

tragic loss..

on the 31st of May 2006, we made a tragic loss.

our old life, Ghim Moh McDonald's is now closing for obvious reasons.
reason number 1 being: the gmss batch 2003 & 2004 (which are the people that brought excitement to the whole gm) had already graduated.
reason number 2 being: the first few batches after those 2 did hang out there but not as much.
reason number 3 being: the batch after mine didn't really do much on saving our beloved. lastly which is
reason number 4: we used to hang out there ALL THE TIME during our sec 2 after playing volleyball at the cc or anywhere else. but as you know, not all good things lasts, and that is the truth. :( apparently, no one really cried, weeped or bawled over our loss. i could say it was shock that was our first reaction, not sadness. :( and by the way, not the 7 of us were there to send off our Mcdonald's. how sad, right? :(



nothing else to blog, really.
farewell everyone.
farewell, beloved mac mac. :(

hello citizens of the world! i am now at corrie's house, blogging! (obviously) anyway, it's just shirley, delphine, corrie and i here. i don't know what we're doing. phiney's painting ley's nails BLACK, and ley's practically slacking, enjoying ALL THE LUXURY she can get. HAHAHA. and she said "wo hao xiang da xiao jie". WAHAHA! and and, corrie's all HARDWORKING. FLIPPING her bio notes. haha, but not studying. =D

argh! i don't know how i feel anymore.

i find peace when i'm confused.
i find hope when i'm let down.
not in me.
in you.
it's in YOU.

nothing! =D

school's out. well, that's for everyone else except for us sec 4's.
i shall now call next week HELL WEEK! we have to wake up at the usual school time from next tuesday til' 6th of june! :(

i'm officially a bookworm from today onwards. believe it or not. hahaha! :)

ANGRY POST!!

so what if i cared so much? it's not as if it's your problem. just because you used your bloody ink to DOODLE on my paper doesn't give you the right to take it. i mean, man you still have the cheek to take my work! i already provided the paper, i still have to provide you the PEN FOR YOU TO INK MY BLOODY ART PIECE? well fuck you bitch. if all you wanna do is brag about that piece of shit with me, then why do it for us in the first place? is it really you being HELPFUL or is it just because you wouldn't wanna lose your FUCKING REPUTATION? i mean, god! everybody in the room knows about how much you LOVE YOUR FACE. and also, how big a fan you are to FAVORITISM!

yes, who could deny the fact that you're the only art teacher in the school and that you're FANTASTIC? fantastic in a sense that you could draw straight lines with your stable hand. bitch, you win me at that 'cos i'm obviously not even half as good as you are. but hello, bitch? can't you see how you're being such a mother-fucker infront of everyone in the room? especially everytime you threaten us with MRS. YEO? and of course not to forget mentioning how you LOVE to boast on HOW MUCH YOU'VE 'HELPED' US. and because of that you can just simply ask for my art back? well TAKE IT IF YOU WANT BITCH. EAT IT IF YOU WANT SINCE YOU ALREADY SHOWED US HOW MUCH YOU HUNGER FOR YOUR GOOD SKILL IN DRAWING.

with you threatening us with something so stupid is one thing, but what about YOU QUESTIONING MY SENSITIVITY OVER SOMETHING THAT YOU SAY IS NOT CONCERNING ME?! HUH?! just because my name is not in his' still gives me the right to get angry. well anyway, this shows your personality. it shows how selfish you are, that you would not help anyone even your friends in any fucking situation. all you care about is yourself. and you can never EVER prove me wrong because the words "WHY ARE YOU SO SENSITIVE? THIS IS NOT EVEN YOUR WORK!" came out of your stupid mouth.

so what if you drew lines all over our paper? so what if you chose the colors? the fact is, it's not you who colored it. it's not you who did all that work! it's actually me! i finished that! indeed you are our teacher. but are you actually telling me that because the maths teacher taught us 1+1=2, the A1's that we get for maths are actually HER'S? no man, NO. use your pea-brain, fucker. put this in your mind: you have talent in art, but that doesn't make you the best!

oh i know what your next step is. it's either call my mum, or COMPLAIN to your mother about my rude behavior and then ask her to call me down from lesson tomorrow. hahaha, so PREDICTABLE.

oh, one last thing. next time just shut the fuck up okay. 'cos everyone couldn't concentrate with you nagging and nagging and repeating everything everytime we have art lesson, as if you have a sort of speech made especially for your art students. let me tell you something. you may not have gray hair, flabby arms or saggy boobs, but you're actually WORSE than my grandmother! and you know what makes it worse? even with my earphones on with the max volume, i could still hear your speech. so just stop complaining about how slow we are with our work because you're the cause of it!

MAPLE ROCKS!

oh my big brother is fantastic! he made this drink which tastes so nice! and you know how he made it? he mixed lime juice, grape juice and mango ice cream together! hahaha! sounds so yucky but tastes so heavenly! :)

i love maple! it's so cute! everyone knows that. :) :) :)

byebye exams!

exams are officially O-V-E-R! YAY!
probably you guys would know how fun it is if you spent the night here at my house doing all sorts of crap. we started by doing the thing we love most, GOSSIPING! well, we practically became gossip-mongers for the night (not that it's only for tonight, haha!) we were stuck at the computer for a LONG TIME, looking through people's friendster and blog. :) followed by pigging around with the usual take-out, MCDONALD'S! well, there was a screw up the first time they delivered, and the second time too. but we didn't bother that much the second time round 'cos we were too busy watching the drama show on channel 8. after which we had a dip in the pool. except for crystal of course 'cos she was wearing jeans. ley and i were the first ones to jump in, followed by phiney though she told us that she's not gonna jump in. =D
---

no-school days like this should be spent at some place where we could sit around, talk and have fun. sad to say, everyone's busy everywhere. it's not even 4years yet, and i could not understand why it is so hard to hold on!
though we did have fun tonight, 4 isn't enough. 7 is fab, 7 is fun.

look into my heart and you will find,
there’s nothing there to hide..

i wish i can look into your eyes and tell after a split second your every emotion.
i wish i can hold your hand and tell if something made you upset.
i wish i can listen to your heartbeat like i'm listening to you talk about your day.
i wish i can tell by the way you speak, what you're gonna say the next moment.
i wish i can read your face and understand what you really need at that moment.
i wish i can do and say the right thing at the right time, just to see you smile.
i wish i know every song in the world, and then know the lyrics immediately after listening so that i can sing any song you wish to hear.
i wish i can tell what you really want.
i wish i'm your dream girl.
i wish i can give you everything.
i wish i'm not me.

daggers piercing through..

it hurts so much, that i just want to curl up and then crumble.

ever gone through times when you already know that person isn't coming back, but you still put your hopes up so high and you just end up hurting yourself? ever gone through the times when you wait and wait, trying to see if that person's gonna walk pass and then he calls you saying that he has already reached home?

ever said something you mean with all your heart, and that person wouldn't believe or even listen to anything you say? ever felt so much pain in your life that you couldn't do anything else besides crying after saying out to your friends all the things you think may happen?

ever wished that certain someone could understand your every bit of emotion? ever wished that certain someone would hold your hand when you cry, wipe your tears away and then look you in the eyes and tell you how much he loves you, and then hugs you really tightly so as to feel how much you're being cared about? ever wanted a man to tell you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world, and that your smile is the most wonderful thing he has ever seen in his whole life?

ever been hurt by that someone to the extent that you couldn't talk and you can never think straight just because that person is piercing through your heart with, not needles but daggers?

so much pain. but even so, it's a battle we have to fight.

i wish you would say, "what happened again, silly child? there's nothing wrong with being weak. just show it. it must have been tiring trying so hard to stay strong all this while. it's okay to fall at times, but don't give up alright?" , instead of saying those harsh words..

; give me a moment please,
to tame your wild wild heart.

fun but lacking..

school as per normal. revisions the whole day for the exams. well not exactly, only bio and an additional class for accounts. that was especially for those who didn't bring their ten year series. =D

planned to go to tcc after school to study and so we went there after our detention. ate and all, but no one was in the mood to touch their books so we just chatted. well actually more like gossiped about people. and phiney is like so crazy about sugar okay! shirley too! they ate like u hundred packets of sugar! okay, i only ate one. xD crystal said we're crazy.

played a game, 'cos i kinda mixed sugar, salt and pepper into my water and then i don't know who got this idea of playing a game and whoever loses have to drink a sip of that awful drink. i was lucky number one, and eventually everyone had the chance to drink. we got kinda bored with that so we just ordered cakes! they're yummylicious! oreo cheesecake first and then american cheesecake. :)


and I can see your face, your kiss i still can taste, not a memory erased.
oh, I see your star shining down on me.
and i'd do anything if i could just be right there.

then i will be free, so take me where you are.
now baby there were times when selfishly, i'm wishing that you are here with me.
so i can wipe the tears away from your eyes and make you see that every night while you are dreamin, i'm here to guard you from afar.
and anytime i feel alone, i close my eyes and dream of where you are.
where you and i can breathe together.

once again we'll be dancin in the moonlight, just like we used to do.
and you'll be smilin back at me, only then will I be free.
baby i still believe, i will touch you that sweet day that you take me there-
where you are.

i'll always be waiting here..
found out about this song through phiney while in the taxi.
this is so us..

full-

THE ADRENALINE
pangs of regret
twinges of conscience
reminiscence of the past
memory playbacks

i hate this. this feeling of having so much pain and sadness, nothing but those two revolving around my head and inside my heart. i know this blog is so one-sided, but all i could ever think about is how life is so unfair and sometimes, disgustingly irritating in very unreasonable ways.

how could it be that those words could actually lead to so many fights over stupid things that we ourselves make it so enormously big. it's just that sometimes, i too feel like disappearing for a while.

this feeling i feel, it's like i'm gonna lose my mind! it's not really like what you think, honey. you think after taking a nap or just by going letting the day pass by everything will turn out fine? no, it isn't that simple. some things are just too difficult to even try to forget about every detail of that particular matter. i just realised that after that day, everything turned bitter. i tried every way i could just to erase all the shit i feel inside. i couldn't. also nowadays, nothing can make me smile anymore whenever i feel so damned. nothing. it's like it's so hard to be happy.

yes i appreciate every little thing, and feel blessed too. of course i am. so may i ask, how can i stand still with you and not be moved by you? your love is so much better than the gummy bears that you give me. so much sweet love we had before. i know all we have to do is to go in an open room that echos well. that's where i can tell you everything. &that's where our wonderful memories are bound to be.

life isn't a bed of roses/ how many times have i heard you tell me this? of how little significance it has meant to me, till recently.

we can't keep on crying hurting every night.
i can't keep shielding myself with this novel or that.
i wish there was someone i could talk to.
my every heart beat still belongs to you. always will.
we'll work through this together.

i'm sorry.

so what shall i talk about today? ahh yes. watched 3 movies in the previous week. take the lead was superb, followed by cute animal cartoon the wild and lastly aquamarine, a sort of bimbotic show, though quite funny albeit brainless. hmm, maybe that was to help me keep "calm" since this week are our exams. =O

english paper yesterday, and then off to queenstown with lila and crystal for art. headed to ikea for our yummy hotdogs after that but had to leave early 'cos of my stupid chinese tuition. :(

today i was with the other half of the gang, ley &phiney. hung out at mac, and then decided to go to holland v for tcc. but we ate at spizza instead and hey, the service there is good. walked back to gm (lobster's idea. she said it's like exercising 'cos she thinks she's getting AHEM!) sat at mac again and then went home.

oh, and it's been two days, and i miss you.

though i try to resist being last on your list.
but no other man's gonna do, so i'm saving all my love for you.

i'm not pissed anymore but please please just understand me . :(

just show me that you love me..