what'sdonecannotbeundone.
thosewordspeircedmyheart.
ifonlyyou'llgivemeanotherchance.
ifonly.
Monday, May 30, 2005
it's cool, i guess.
today was good. besides the sudden attack from my back and something something, i guess everything else was good. lili's mum's potatoes are the best!
Saturday, May 28, 2005
finally.
exams are finally over, and now's the holidays. it's rather fast. half a year's gone by so fast that anyone barely noticed it. yeah. half a year full of happy, sad, stupid, funny, lonely, terrible, joyous and whatever times.
you know, day by day, i just feel as though everyone i love is drifting away from me, bit by bit. this is another of my "i-don't-know-why"entries. so many questions i have to ask.
those who are with me everyday. we did almost everything funny and cute and silly and stupid even serious times together but we just slowly fell apart. disappointment will just slowly rip your heart until you can't feel anymore. that's the saddest thing.
another thing.the one i don't always see but love. i have a vivid picture of him in my mind. i wish i can be with him when i'm sad and when i'm happy and when i'm crazy and when i'm naggy. but no he isn't. he's always "somewhere out there". it's like, the connection isn't there anymore. what the hell's happening?
one last thing, and of course DEFINATELY not the least. the one who's so near yet so, SO FAR. i hear your voice, i see you smile, i hear you laugh. i see everything, but all's not meant for me. i have been planning to start anew with everything, but i FEEL and THINK that something out there is stopping me. so many misunderstandings, so many things we missed out on. when's the right time to have a heart to heart?
i know it's a sin not being contented with one's life. but let me ask you something: if you are already contented with your own life, not wanting anything anymore, then is that still called LIFE? i thought life is where you enjoy not everything you have? i thought life is where you meet challenges everyday? i thought life is where you feel to have a need of something you couldn't have? i thought life is where everyone has to suffer even just a tiny bit?
what is life, really??
yes, it's almost a year. half of it was full of happiness and sometimes doubts and anger with love too, but half of it is full of sadness, obssession, regret. ahh, i don't know. i don't know i don't know i don't know.
well, my life isn't exactly that sucky. i still have people who stick by me 24/7. and i love love love them so much. people like LIHUI and CRYSTAL. the very loud MEGS and of course the great superstar AIKO. they're the great ones, the best of the best.
and not forgetting HUIYI and SHEENA too. <3
ahh, there's actually a good side in my life, and yes i'm happy. :)
oh and by the way, my results are shitty so don't bother asking.
you know, day by day, i just feel as though everyone i love is drifting away from me, bit by bit. this is another of my "i-don't-know-why"entries. so many questions i have to ask.
those who are with me everyday. we did almost everything funny and cute and silly and stupid even serious times together but we just slowly fell apart. disappointment will just slowly rip your heart until you can't feel anymore. that's the saddest thing.
another thing.
one last thing, and of course DEFINATELY not the least. the one who's so near yet so, SO FAR. i hear your voice, i see you smile, i hear you laugh. i see everything, but all's not meant for me. i have been planning to start anew with everything, but i FEEL and THINK that something out there is stopping me. so many misunderstandings, so many things we missed out on. when's the right time to have a heart to heart?
i know it's a sin not being contented with one's life. but let me ask you something: if you are already contented with your own life, not wanting anything anymore, then is that still called LIFE? i thought life is where you enjoy not everything you have? i thought life is where you meet challenges everyday? i thought life is where you feel to have a need of something you couldn't have? i thought life is where everyone has to suffer even just a tiny bit?
what is life, really??
yes, it's almost a year. half of it was full of happiness and sometimes doubts and anger with love too, but half of it is full of sadness, obssession, regret. ahh, i don't know. i don't know i don't know i don't know.
well, my life isn't exactly that sucky. i still have people who stick by me 24/7. and i love love love them so much. people like LIHUI and CRYSTAL. the very loud MEGS and of course the great superstar AIKO. they're the great ones, the best of the best.
and not forgetting HUIYI and SHEENA too. <3
ahh, there's actually a good side in my life, and yes i'm happy. :)
oh and by the way, my results are shitty so don't bother asking.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
lucks / me.
here's a quote for you guys and myself, for the upcoming exams:
"When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either"
-Leo Burnett.
so people poeple! i wish you and me luck while WE reach for the stars for the following week in hope that WE won't come up with a handful of mud! ;)
ahh, and here's something i got from friendster:
Copy this and change the answers, then leave it as a comment for me, alright?
If I were a month I would be: february.
If I were a day of the week I would be: saturday.
If I were a time of day I would be: 23-59.
If I were a planet I would be: venus.
If I were a sea animal I would be: a starfish.
If I were a direction I would be: south
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a cedar chest.
If I were a sin I would be: jealousy.
If I were a historical figure I would be: dead!
If I were a liquid I would be: vodka.
If I were a stone, I would be: amber.
If I were a tree, I would be: a willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: a flamingo.
If I were a tool, I would be: no idea.?
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a tulip. [ lovely :)
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: mist.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a mermaid.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: off key.
If I were an animal, I would be: a persian cat.
If I were a color, I would be: black&white+PURPLE.(make any sense?)
If I were an emotion, I would be: regret.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: GARLIC!
If I were a sound, I would be: rain pattering.
If I were an element, I would be: wind.
If I were a car, I would be: definately a hot pink sports car.
If I were a song, I would be: Angel - Sarah McLachlan.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge).
If I were a book, I would be written by: Ann Brashares.
If I were a food, I would be: potato!
If I were a place, I would be: the tip of your tongue.
If I were a material, I would be: satin.
If I were a taste, I would be: an apple.
If I were a scent, I would be:eh, dom.?
If I were a religion, I would be: catholic.
If I were a word, I would be: imperfection.
If I were a body part I would be: eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile.
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Little Mermaid.
If I were a shape I would be a/an: <3.
If I were a number I would be: odd.
"When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either"
-Leo Burnett.
so people poeple! i wish you and me luck while WE reach for the stars for the following week in hope that WE won't come up with a handful of mud! ;)
ahh, and here's something i got from friendster:
Copy this and change the answers, then leave it as a comment for me, alright?
If I were a month I would be: february.
If I were a day of the week I would be: saturday.
If I were a time of day I would be: 23-59.
If I were a planet I would be: venus.
If I were a sea animal I would be: a starfish.
If I were a direction I would be: south
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a cedar chest.
If I were a sin I would be: jealousy.
If I were a historical figure I would be: dead!
If I were a liquid I would be: vodka.
If I were a stone, I would be: amber.
If I were a tree, I would be: a willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: a flamingo.
If I were a tool, I would be: no idea.?
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a tulip. [ lovely :)
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: mist.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a mermaid.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: off key.
If I were an animal, I would be: a persian cat.
If I were a color, I would be: black&white+PURPLE.(make any sense?)
If I were an emotion, I would be: regret.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: GARLIC!
If I were a sound, I would be: rain pattering.
If I were an element, I would be: wind.
If I were a car, I would be: definately a hot pink sports car.
If I were a song, I would be: Angel - Sarah McLachlan.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge).
If I were a book, I would be written by: Ann Brashares.
If I were a food, I would be: potato!
If I were a place, I would be: the tip of your tongue.
If I were a material, I would be: satin.
If I were a taste, I would be: an apple.
If I were a scent, I would be:
If I were a religion, I would be: catholic.
If I were a word, I would be: imperfection.
If I were a body part I would be: eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile.
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Little Mermaid.
If I were a shape I would be a/an: <3.
If I were a number I would be: odd.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
late-night thoughts.
as if life wasn't sad enough and happiness doesn't last.
i'm missing you
i never knew how much she'd loved me
i'm missing you
i never knew how much you meant to me
i need you and when you go
i know it never ends
never ends
Monday, May 02, 2005
MAKE-UP, yesterday. :)
fionna helped us do some really exotic look using her make-up kit.
ben helped me with history, and drew anime for each of us.
jiale took pretty pictures of herself with her phone.
my sissy asked me to study, study and study.
i was on my sister's bed, half-studying half-chatting and half-laughing.
fionna took close-ups of us after every done doll face.
ben tried smiling, but ended up looking super false almost every time.
jiale looked natural.
my sister tried posing, like how she normally does.
i was a bit shy at first, but in the end HECK CARE LA.
so we took group shots, and i was only shy on my first solo shots, and that's it. har har.
it was fun, last night.
ben helped me with history, and drew anime for each of us.
jiale took pretty pictures of herself with her phone.
my sissy asked me to study, study and study.
i was on my sister's bed, half-studying half-chatting and half-laughing.
fionna took close-ups of us after every done doll face.
ben tried smiling, but ended up looking super false almost every time.
jiale looked natural.
my sister tried posing, like how she normally does.
i was a bit shy at first, but in the end HECK CARE LA.
so we took group shots, and i was only shy on my first solo shots, and that's it. har har.
it was fun, last night.
i'm so DAMNED.
i scrolled through my past, my diary. everything from last year, yep i read it all.
and you know what? i realised that:
i miss literature a whole lot! MAJOR LEAGUE TIME!
i remembered crystal's many many advices.
i was stuck on a very heartbreaking entry for almost half an hour, reading the whole thing over and over again. and i have absolutely NO IDEA why i'm letting myself read something that hurts.
DAMN IT!
i can't take it no longer!
i'm sorry if i'll have to hurt anyone's heart, but i figured that beating around the bush all the time isn't the best medicine in any unsolved situation. sometimes i really hate myself for doing this.
it may seem that i don't care. it may seem that i'm happy round the clock. it may seem that i'm problem free. it may seem that i'm on a bed of roses.
i may sound happy. i may always be loud in class. i may be singing all cheery songs. i may be talking about how i spent my day with my loved ones.
but all this, it isn't really a good source to rely on. i don't believe that actions speak louder than words. i do believe that every of my actions can bring unhappiness to those people i've hurt many many times over.
i care. i still care. i wish you knew! i wish you wouldn't think that i'm that cold-hearted bloody bitch who broke your heart, all happy and cheerful over her sweetheart! i wish you wouldn't think that this bloody little bitch stole everything from you, even if that is almost true because you know what? IT HURTS! it hurts me a dozen million times everyday when i let my freaking mind think of all these horrible things! and i kept thinking that everything is me me ME, even if i'm not sure if it's really me!
and to tell you the truth, i still don't understand how my heart and my mind works. i hate the both of them because they don't want to cooperate! they don't want me to think properly! they mix up my thinking and my feelings everytime, EVERYDAY! sometimes i try to tell the ones whom i open up to, but most of the time, i'll be left without much things to say.
the problem is i can't really express myself properly when i try to say it out. i FUCKING hate it!
anyway, i care! this bloody little bitch still cares. i don't know how many people knows about this but the main thing is i still fucking care! i still get fucking worried over you! i still get frustrated when that bloody little bitch picks on you. i still care! I DO!
i'm sorry i admit that i'm a big fuck-ass bitch but I SWEAR I CARE!
i am so fucking agitated. and ps people, even though i've already opened up, this isn't all. i'm not finished. i'm still beating around the bush. i have to and i think this is enough. i just don't want you guys to misunderstand my thoughts and feelings.
i'm so tired. i don't know how to explain this feeling of discontentment.
DAMN IT.
for the guy who made me the happiest person in the world, and the saddest person in the universe. none other than my lost soul, hL.
obviously from the person who has made a huge mistake, much bigger than that of anything anyone could ever imagine, jurv-ia.
this is for you:
to the world you may just be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
i may be one person to you, NOW,
but i'm that one person who treats you like HER WORLD.
and ever, EVER shall be.
and you know what? i realised that:
i miss literature a whole lot! MAJOR LEAGUE TIME!
i remembered crystal's many many advices.
i was stuck on a very heartbreaking entry for almost half an hour, reading the whole thing over and over again. and i have absolutely NO IDEA why i'm letting myself read something that hurts.
DAMN IT!
i can't take it no longer!
i'm sorry if i'll have to hurt anyone's heart, but i figured that beating around the bush all the time isn't the best medicine in any unsolved situation. sometimes i really hate myself for doing this.
it may seem that i don't care. it may seem that i'm happy round the clock. it may seem that i'm problem free. it may seem that i'm on a bed of roses.
i may sound happy. i may always be loud in class. i may be singing all cheery songs. i may be talking about how i spent my day with my loved ones.
but all this, it isn't really a good source to rely on. i don't believe that actions speak louder than words. i do believe that every of my actions can bring unhappiness to those people i've hurt many many times over.
i care. i still care. i wish you knew! i wish you wouldn't think that i'm that cold-hearted bloody bitch who broke your heart, all happy and cheerful over her sweetheart! i wish you wouldn't think that this bloody little bitch stole everything from you, even if that is almost true because you know what? IT HURTS! it hurts me a dozen million times everyday when i let my freaking mind think of all these horrible things! and i kept thinking that everything is me me ME, even if i'm not sure if it's really me!
and to tell you the truth, i still don't understand how my heart and my mind works. i hate the both of them because they don't want to cooperate! they don't want me to think properly! they mix up my thinking and my feelings everytime, EVERYDAY! sometimes i try to tell the ones whom i open up to, but most of the time, i'll be left without much things to say.
the problem is i can't really express myself properly when i try to say it out. i FUCKING hate it!
anyway, i care! this bloody little bitch still cares. i don't know how many people knows about this but the main thing is i still fucking care! i still get fucking worried over you! i still get frustrated when that bloody little bitch picks on you. i still care! I DO!
i'm sorry i admit that i'm a big fuck-ass bitch but I SWEAR I CARE!
i am so fucking agitated. and ps people, even though i've already opened up, this isn't all. i'm not finished. i'm still beating around the bush. i have to and i think this is enough. i just don't want you guys to misunderstand my thoughts and feelings.
i'm so tired. i don't know how to explain this feeling of discontentment.
DAMN IT.
for the guy who made me the happiest person in the world, and the saddest person in the universe. none other than my lost soul, hL.
obviously from the person who has made a huge mistake, much bigger than that of anything anyone could ever imagine, jurv-ia.
this is for you:
to the world you may just be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
i may be one person to you, NOW,
but i'm that one person who treats you like HER WORLD.
and ever, EVER shall be.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
i'm back! :)
okay. here are all the things that i can remember:
there was one day when i hated ms yeo alot. maybe because of blahblahblah. um, yea. you don't have to know. i just hated her.
there was one day when they had their napfa tests,and i went to meet him at the cc.
there was one day when my ever-dearest, sweetest husband came! and i stayed over her hotel one night,had starbucks with dom that night and my husband finally got to meet him. blahblah's.
there was one day when i have to write a nasty chinese compo, cheat on some mcq's, hoping to pass the very dreaded chinese mid-year.
there was one day, that same dreadful day when i wrote loads of crap in my chinese, i had fun chatting with my fairfield friends at the acs barker staircase. and there's this cute sec 1 kid too! :) his name's mark i think. and i swear he's gonna grow up being handsome and attractive. :)
there was this day when we had to write a sweet compo on friendship. where all you can think of are the most important people in your entire life. those who helped you through all the pain and the suffering. those who laughed with you even if there isn't anything funny. and those who have to come and go. ahh, nevermind. :(
there was one day, that very same day of the friendship compo, when i have to miss my dearest husband very much. she left that day, and i'm really gonna miss her. :'(
there was one day when we had this meeting thingy for the camp, and i was made the games planner with wei jian. and i think we're gonna help out with the games logistics too with wen jie. :)
there was one day, the same day, when i really felt bad. it was so bad and i just don't know why. good thing there's my lila, crystal and jasmine with me. :)
there was one day, two days, three days, alot of days, everyday, when there's just you you and YOU. and JUST YOU. believe me.
there was one day when i hated ms yeo alot. maybe because of blahblahblah. um, yea. you don't have to know. i just hated her.
there was one day when they had their napfa tests,
there was one day when my ever-dearest, sweetest husband came! and i stayed over her hotel one night,
there was one day when i have to write a nasty chinese compo, cheat on some mcq's, hoping to pass the very dreaded chinese mid-year.
there was one day, that same dreadful day when i wrote loads of crap in my chinese, i had fun chatting with my fairfield friends at the acs barker staircase. and there's this cute sec 1 kid too! :) his name's mark i think. and i swear he's gonna grow up being handsome and attractive. :)
there was this day when we had to write a sweet compo on friendship. where all you can think of are the most important people in your entire life. those who helped you through all the pain and the suffering. those who laughed with you even if there isn't anything funny. and those who have to come and go. ahh, nevermind. :(
there was one day, that very same day of the friendship compo, when i have to miss my dearest husband very much. she left that day, and i'm really gonna miss her. :'(
there was one day when we had this meeting thingy for the camp, and i was made the games planner with wei jian. and i think we're gonna help out with the games logistics too with wen jie. :)
there was one day, the same day, when i really felt bad. it was so bad and i just don't know why. good thing there's my lila, crystal and jasmine with me. :)
there was one day, two days, three days, alot of days, everyday, when there's just you you and YOU. and JUST YOU. believe me.
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