2weeks from the previous update.
nothing much really. been working, working, going out, working. the first day of work we were dead tired 'cos we weren't used to it. "our leg's feel as if it's gonna break!", quoted by chermaine. hahaha! met a few new people at work. some are nasty, some are cool, some are cute, some are angelic, some are attractive, some are assholes. but most of them are nice. =D
BUT! i think i'm gonna turn into a workaholic soon! i can't take the boredom at home!
i just finished watching all 5seasons of smallville, &it's not enough! i need more dvd's! :( the tv programs aren't always nice, &going online isn't as fun as watching shows. AHH! help me!
well hmm actually, my life isn't that boring. =D met up with crystal, huifen, vanessa &corrie yesterday for a little shopping. rushed to the restaurant at around 10pm to get the menu from them. omg, it was kinda embarrassing 'cos we ran in the rain &when we reached there we look as though we took a shower! after that we went to eat stingray &then homed.
few days ago my sis, my bro &i met up at marche to eat dinner. delish! i know i know, i planned on going for a diet. don't think that i've already stopped. it's still on okay! i lost 2kg already! :) but i don't look like i just lost 2kg right? :(
on the 9th we went to ms. yeo's wedding. aww, she looks really pretty. & we took several pictures. other teachers were there too. after that crystal &i slacked at corrie's house. took many many pictures again. =D
yay! i'm going shopping tomorrow with my sis! yay! :)
(i'm really sorry this entry is a lil messy 'cos i'm really very bored!)
byebye!
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
the one person that seemed to be my whole universe had slowly slipped away without me realising a damn thing. bit by bit the rope that used to tie us together became a thread that could barely hold us back to each other..
"an escapist" is what i can be called. i used to run away from every little (or big) fight we encountered, thinking foolishly that things would be better that way. we led such a joyous yet complex life together. stupidity played along &the number of problems piled up. how i wished i knew how ugly it will turn out to be playing such a mindless game..
days passed, then weeks, then months. life was per normal, until one day i realised what i had been missing outside: the perfect world of my own, the satisfying life i've always wanted to live. i had the sudden urge of facing every challenge, i started to be someone who i want to be.
a collision is what i may call this. he was leading the same old life we had, but i was heading towards a very different direction. running mile after mile away from every question, it came to a time where we couldn't catch up anymore. i started realising things, very unpleasant things that can never make me look at our relationship the same way i did before. you, being able to make me laugh even at my lowest, making me feel so warm. you used to be what i called my "happy hormone", but everything started changing when i started trying to be a whole new person.
all the things came right at me one very day when i was transforming: this whole relationship was full of mistakes, mistakes that can never be corrected due to our lack of understanding &our several differences. don't get me wrong. i never thought that the times we had was a mistake. it's just that everyday it comes right at me without fail, that what we had was like an endless fairytale. but because of my selfishness, my immorality, it came to a point where all i wanted is myself to be happy, to get what i really want. my love slowly got washed away by sunlight &rain..
all i want is to fly free again. to look at the world with great pride, to seek many unbelievable findings about human life, to become me but not me. my desire to be someone i'm not was too much, leaving you behind me, slowly losing my grip as a result.
it's all my fault. if only it was the same as before.. if only i had loved him the same way, then i wouldn't be able to let him slip away just because of a little thing called freedom. i'll do what master says, act like master acts. &then everything would the same.
sometimes i wonder why i became such an idiot, that i left someone like you behind without even knowing it, or a smartass, to finally realise what the world has to offer me.
but now i don't know what i want anymore. i don't want to get back to the old illogical & dependent me. i want to learn things. at the same time i want to be crazy, forgiving &become the out-of-the-world girlfriend i used to be, just to get the love of my life back in my arms.
just from flashbacks, &i want to be back there even with the chains around my ankles. but then i wake up everytime and look at the place surrounding me. &then i realise that the whole world is ahead, waiting for me.
hopes about us had reached to the height of mount everest. i know a year ago, i asked the same question but who cares? i haven't got the answer to it yet:
is HOPE the first step down the path to disappointment?
or is it the magic that keeps us hanging in there even when our minds' battling with our hearts?
so tell me which way to go, the past or the future? 'cos i cant take it anymore..
"an escapist" is what i can be called. i used to run away from every little (or big) fight we encountered, thinking foolishly that things would be better that way. we led such a joyous yet complex life together. stupidity played along &the number of problems piled up. how i wished i knew how ugly it will turn out to be playing such a mindless game..
days passed, then weeks, then months. life was per normal, until one day i realised what i had been missing outside: the perfect world of my own, the satisfying life i've always wanted to live. i had the sudden urge of facing every challenge, i started to be someone who i want to be.
a collision is what i may call this. he was leading the same old life we had, but i was heading towards a very different direction. running mile after mile away from every question, it came to a time where we couldn't catch up anymore. i started realising things, very unpleasant things that can never make me look at our relationship the same way i did before. you, being able to make me laugh even at my lowest, making me feel so warm. you used to be what i called my "happy hormone", but everything started changing when i started trying to be a whole new person.
all the things came right at me one very day when i was transforming: this whole relationship was full of mistakes, mistakes that can never be corrected due to our lack of understanding &our several differences. don't get me wrong. i never thought that the times we had was a mistake. it's just that everyday it comes right at me without fail, that what we had was like an endless fairytale. but because of my selfishness, my immorality, it came to a point where all i wanted is myself to be happy, to get what i really want. my love slowly got washed away by sunlight &rain..
all i want is to fly free again. to look at the world with great pride, to seek many unbelievable findings about human life, to become me but not me. my desire to be someone i'm not was too much, leaving you behind me, slowly losing my grip as a result.
it's all my fault. if only it was the same as before.. if only i had loved him the same way, then i wouldn't be able to let him slip away just because of a little thing called freedom. i'll do what master says, act like master acts. &then everything would the same.
sometimes i wonder why i became such an idiot, that i left someone like you behind without even knowing it, or a smartass, to finally realise what the world has to offer me.
but now i don't know what i want anymore. i don't want to get back to the old illogical & dependent me. i want to learn things. at the same time i want to be crazy, forgiving &become the out-of-the-world girlfriend i used to be, just to get the love of my life back in my arms.
just from flashbacks, &i want to be back there even with the chains around my ankles. but then i wake up everytime and look at the place surrounding me. &then i realise that the whole world is ahead, waiting for me.
hopes about us had reached to the height of mount everest. i know a year ago, i asked the same question but who cares? i haven't got the answer to it yet:
is HOPE the first step down the path to disappointment?
or is it the magic that keeps us hanging in there even when our minds' battling with our hearts?
so tell me which way to go, the past or the future? 'cos i cant take it anymore..
Sunday, December 03, 2006
back from a blast!
after disappearing for months, i've finally found time (& mood) to start writing about my life again. i tell you, the past few months i've had weren't just "the past few months". it felt like many many years of hardships &discontentment, not to mention PAIN.
ups &downs, lefts &rights. you name it, i've got it.
since no one is actually reading my stuff already, i shall write freely ¬ "hide behind bushes".
i've been admitted again, &sad to say, it won't be the last time. although times in there were pretty rough &tough, i'd say i've learned many things about people (shan't say what) & met several people who has gone through so much &still remain intact. :)
all i want to say is, thank you to those who found time to visit me, because even for just that moment you guys made me feel comfortable. :)
thank you, you guys.
okay, specifically it's the great wonderful people in my life, my clique, who hadn't make me feel empty &alone.
yanping, roger &wenjie. people who obviously is close to my heart.
huiyi &limin, the ones who took the trouble to pay me a visit.
gillian, the girl who can never stop laughing.
vanessa &huifen, 2very nice &caring people.
mr chua, who bought for me 2 of each type of pau from the most famous pau store in singapore, &mr lee, the one who never failed to bring me scrumptuous delicacies everytime he drops by.
last but not least, my hero. the one who brought me a bouquet of roses right after school, the one who took the pain to make me a cute gundam &color it with my favorite color even during the mugging period of our o's, the only one who took me downstairs to light candles during the mid-autumn festival, the one who never ever fails to tuck me to bed (even by phone =D) every single night of my stay in that horrible place.
it was sad, a few days after i had been discharged it was crystal's birthday, & i didn't make it!
sorry crystal, i know it means a lot to you. really sorry.
oh, &i wanna greet her a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY here, :) .
so enough about that.
before &during o's were the worst days of my life. everyone was trying to be the toughest of the toughest. most art students were practically living in hell way before o levels began. had to finish our coursework, &after coursework was paper1 which we had to do before our o's &hand it all up up together with our final design. i tell you, it was horrid horrid HORRID!
after art our hearts felt a lil lighter, it's like the whole burden art brought to us finally went gone & is O-V-E-R! the rest of the papers were okay, maybe except for maths 1 'cos i panicked & almost died, chemistry 'cos i totally did not know anything despite the countless of days i wasted mugging that stupid pathetic half a subject (!!!!!!!), accounts 'cos i totally gave up mid-way, &history 'cos dang it, i studied the wrong chapters!
after o's everyone was relieved. we thought of celebrating so ley, phiney &i went to catch step up. okay, after that day, the rest of the days were invaded by boredom.
only except for the days we went present hunting for chermaine's birthday. we actually thought that it was easy getting her something this time 'round because we know exactly what she wanted: a white nike watch. but we didn't expect it to be as hard a before! we went in several nike shops &found every other color except for a white one. the worst thing was, every nike shop has the exact same watches, so how are we gonna find her dream watch??
so, we decided to hunt for watches with other brands like adidas. nada! finally, when we arrived lido ley &phiney spotted this white watch, it's gorgeous but we hesitated to buy it 'cos it isn't a nike. in the end, we bought it anyway. hahaha!
the day of chermaine's birthday, it was stressful yet exciting. we had to rush here & there to get everything done because we thought that the ever so punctual chermaine would be punctual. but haha, guess what, she wasn't! in fact, she was very very late! but it's okay, now it's our turn to wait & it's her day anyway so, who cares?? =D
everything went on smoothly. our plan was not ruined even though we rushed on everything. cafe cartel first. we gave her a very very small slice of cake to make her think that we actually don't have any more money to buy her the big cake. we sang the happy birthday song &she was so so embarrased 'cos people were looking. so we ate, everyone was bloated &then the big cake arrived! we embarrased her again! hahaha. but it all went fine. we were very sweet actually, we ate the whole cake together using our forks! :)
we quickly ate and then we rushed to the cinema. we bluffed maine about the movie, & the first thing she said when we reached was "walao eh". it was 9:56, a horror movie, &she doesn't like horror movies 'cos she gets scared. hahaha! & throughout the movie, she covered her eyes &only allowed herself to look at the subtitles! how cute is that!
after the movie we walked from cine to cathay cineplex. we hung out there for awhile, surfed the net & then we went off. we had a fun day, all 7 of us. :)
been hanging out with chermaine &crystal lately, especially crystal. we've been finding jobs together. always hanging around holland v &town to job-hunt. after many painful days of rejections, we finally found a job! & the best part is.. we get good money! :) we're gonna start on the 11th, & we are so excited! especially me &crystal. our eyes are like filled with dollar signs whenever we think of the job! =D
okay so i guess i've filled in all the blank pages from the past months. :)
ups &downs, lefts &rights. you name it, i've got it.
since no one is actually reading my stuff already, i shall write freely ¬ "hide behind bushes".
i've been admitted again, &sad to say, it won't be the last time. although times in there were pretty rough &tough, i'd say i've learned many things about people (shan't say what) & met several people who has gone through so much &still remain intact. :)
all i want to say is, thank you to those who found time to visit me, because even for just that moment you guys made me feel comfortable. :)
thank you, you guys.
okay, specifically it's the great wonderful people in my life, my clique, who hadn't make me feel empty &alone.
yanping, roger &wenjie. people who obviously is close to my heart.
huiyi &limin, the ones who took the trouble to pay me a visit.
gillian, the girl who can never stop laughing.
vanessa &huifen, 2very nice &caring people.
mr chua, who bought for me 2 of each type of pau from the most famous pau store in singapore, &mr lee, the one who never failed to bring me scrumptuous delicacies everytime he drops by.
last but not least, my hero. the one who brought me a bouquet of roses right after school, the one who took the pain to make me a cute gundam &color it with my favorite color even during the mugging period of our o's, the only one who took me downstairs to light candles during the mid-autumn festival, the one who never ever fails to tuck me to bed (even by phone =D) every single night of my stay in that horrible place.
it was sad, a few days after i had been discharged it was crystal's birthday, & i didn't make it!
sorry crystal, i know it means a lot to you. really sorry.
oh, &i wanna greet her a BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY here, :) .
so enough about that.
before &during o's were the worst days of my life. everyone was trying to be the toughest of the toughest. most art students were practically living in hell way before o levels began. had to finish our coursework, &after coursework was paper1 which we had to do before our o's &hand it all up up together with our final design. i tell you, it was horrid horrid HORRID!
after art our hearts felt a lil lighter, it's like the whole burden art brought to us finally went gone & is O-V-E-R! the rest of the papers were okay, maybe except for maths 1 'cos i panicked & almost died, chemistry 'cos i totally did not know anything despite the countless of days i wasted mugging that stupid pathetic half a subject (!!!!!!!), accounts 'cos i totally gave up mid-way, &history 'cos dang it, i studied the wrong chapters!
after o's everyone was relieved. we thought of celebrating so ley, phiney &i went to catch step up. okay, after that day, the rest of the days were invaded by boredom.
only except for the days we went present hunting for chermaine's birthday. we actually thought that it was easy getting her something this time 'round because we know exactly what she wanted: a white nike watch. but we didn't expect it to be as hard a before! we went in several nike shops &found every other color except for a white one. the worst thing was, every nike shop has the exact same watches, so how are we gonna find her dream watch??
so, we decided to hunt for watches with other brands like adidas. nada! finally, when we arrived lido ley &phiney spotted this white watch, it's gorgeous but we hesitated to buy it 'cos it isn't a nike. in the end, we bought it anyway. hahaha!
the day of chermaine's birthday, it was stressful yet exciting. we had to rush here & there to get everything done because we thought that the ever so punctual chermaine would be punctual. but haha, guess what, she wasn't! in fact, she was very very late! but it's okay, now it's our turn to wait & it's her day anyway so, who cares?? =D
everything went on smoothly. our plan was not ruined even though we rushed on everything. cafe cartel first. we gave her a very very small slice of cake to make her think that we actually don't have any more money to buy her the big cake. we sang the happy birthday song &she was so so embarrased 'cos people were looking. so we ate, everyone was bloated &then the big cake arrived! we embarrased her again! hahaha. but it all went fine. we were very sweet actually, we ate the whole cake together using our forks! :)
we quickly ate and then we rushed to the cinema. we bluffed maine about the movie, & the first thing she said when we reached was "walao eh". it was 9:56, a horror movie, &she doesn't like horror movies 'cos she gets scared. hahaha! & throughout the movie, she covered her eyes &only allowed herself to look at the subtitles! how cute is that!
after the movie we walked from cine to cathay cineplex. we hung out there for awhile, surfed the net & then we went off. we had a fun day, all 7 of us. :)
been hanging out with chermaine &crystal lately, especially crystal. we've been finding jobs together. always hanging around holland v &town to job-hunt. after many painful days of rejections, we finally found a job! & the best part is.. we get good money! :) we're gonna start on the 11th, & we are so excited! especially me &crystal. our eyes are like filled with dollar signs whenever we think of the job! =D
okay so i guess i've filled in all the blank pages from the past months. :)
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