just because i can, and because i need to explode every so often and take my own shit out.
and then while gently releasing all the anxiety, the fear, the anger, the pain, i have to be PUNISHED, PUNISHED and BRUISED.

in reality, i am nothing more but a fairy tale,
except i'm not so beautiful.

birthday. :)

today spent almost the whole time with my girls. BEACH TIME LADIES!
corrie, jasmine, cheryl, yanyi, chermaine, lila, huifen, phiney, ley, cry and birthday girl! :)

we headed to the beach, wayne and michelle were there too. we played in the water, swam and swam and swam. we took turns to kayak, and played monkeymonkey too! :) frisbee, volleyball, followed by burying that stupid jasmine. we made her really BIG BOOBS as in HUMUNGOUS ones! wayne dare not touch it. haha :) and so after that swam awhile again, wayne and her girl went off first. everyone was tired so we went to shower. the toilet's queue was damn long so jasmine, ley, phiney and i showered outside. :) some ate at 7-eleven, and that was when they gave the birthday present! wanna know what it is?? it's the shoe that i LOVE! my LOVE-AT-FIRST-SIGHT SHOE! AHH! and they gave me a bag too! :) so after that, off we went to harbourfront. corrie, chermaine, lila and jasmine went off first.

at harbourfront we shopped a lil particularly me and yanyi while they ordered food at pastamania. okay, me, ley and phiney bought RINGS that costs only $3 something! AHH! cheap, compared to the crown ring phiney & i love, which costs $19.90 and it's nice too! :) i find that my shopping skill is getting better and better, meaning that i'm becoming more extravagant. =D anyway, i went off first. yanyi sent me to the taxi stand. oh that sweet girl. :)

thank you my dears for making everything so special. I LOVE YOU GUYS TO BITS! MWAHS! ;)
and huifen, REALLY THANKS FOR COMING! =D
-------------

she hugged her knees close to her chest, rocking back and forth, crying in her heart.

she looked at the the sea.
the waves kept on pushing her further and further. and when she leans to get close to it, it unfailingly tries to push her back. that is you and me.

she sat there, quietly. and then suddenly she began to sink because the sand was flowing downhill. as she sank and sank, the bits of sand and debris poked her. it ached, but the pain was slow. and yes, that is you and me.

and then there was a time she threw the sand in the air opposite her direction. often a times the wind blew so hard it gets to her face, which wasn't what she wanted in the first place. the wind constantly blowing, and the sand scattering everywhere. yes again, that's you and me.

can you tell me? can you tell me why the clouds are sometimes so far apart, that you'll think they won't ever get back together? and then sometimes they're so close you'll think they'll never be parted by anything natural, not even the wind? wind that is so unpredictable. wind that can blow them apart and blow them back. why? can you tell me?

and why?
i want to know.
'cos that's you and me.

and then she told herself something:
'tomorrow will be a better day.'
a palpable lie, she now thinks.

everyone's gonna hurt you sooner or later. you just have to decide who's worth going through the pain.
you're one of them.

and all i could do
was to cry myself to sleep.

i thought they said,
'nothing is more painful then realising you hurt the one you truly care about' ?

i think i should be singing this song instead of happy birthday to myself.

i wish i could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
sometimes.
but i get the starngest feeling that you've gone away..

you're just playing them up in your mind.
NOTHING of what i do and intend to do is fabricated.

oh what a sad birthday :(

if you were to take a walk with your love, would you choose the straight road with nothing to see, nothing to stop for, and reach the end quickly without facing any obstacles, or would you choose to take a winding road, and do a few detours before sitting down for a talk and not want to reach the end forever?

SURPRISE! :)

the first thing that made my day was none other than my dearest huiyi jie. :) she passed me something, which is actually from her tL and her. and that thing is a necklace! ahh! okay, IT IS ABSOLUTELY PRETTY! :) thank you so so much!
chinese passed by slowly, and maths too but the time during art was pretty fast. and then there was recess. it was then followed by two periods of english, where i sat with my darling yanyi. :) and then bio's lesson was a gust of wind. accounts seemed like a drag, making me feel like that 1 hour would last forever. anyway, after that was guides. at first i really really felt ignored. and the feeling sucked TOTALLY. and then i finally joined them, and i sort of tortured the juniors. hmm, i'm mean i know. I'M REALLY SORRY GUYS. REALLY AM! :( then this is the part that really got me. tina asked me to go to the canteen with her, and then go to the toilet, where she spent almost like forever in there, and then when we got back in the den, SOMEONE SPRAYED ME! ahh! and i got totally stunned and i just stood there like a complete idiot, like i was a prey, waiting to be eaten alive! and then yep, i was standing there like AN IDIOT, and it suddenly dawned into me that TINA WAS ACTUALLY IN CAHOOTS WITH THEM! and yeah, my sort of good-bad day was made into this..

my guides family, well not all of them though. but this is about how many people GANGED UP on me. HAHA! of course, plus delvinder, isabel, jane, huiyi, and not forgetting MY TWO F-CKING BITCHES, shirley &delphine. 'cos they showered me with water, and i was soaking wet with cream all over my body. but oh well, they got sweet revenge from me. lol! :)

and my beautiful cake, from very beautiful people! :)
this cake is actually one of the sweetest i got. 'cos the flowers on top, which is actually white chocolate, are shaped into TULIPS! yep, and the cream is thick! exactly what i wanted. :)

oh and yep, thanks to john too. :)
thank you very much for the cd. got the songs which i actually like very much! :)

THANK YOU EVERYONE, FOR MAKING THIS DAY ONE OF A MEMORABLE ONES. :)
LOVE YA PEEPS. <3

not too late.

didn't go to school. wasn't feeling well the last night. it was all so sudden, i felt weak and i can't sleep. i don't know why. :(

was on the phone, and then he sang me a song. it was nice, honest. it made me fall asleep. :)
'cos he's always there when i need him.

finding something so precious like this makes me feel like a winner. that i found something by myself without asking for anyone's help.
what you said is true. achieving something with your own hardwork and nothing else is the best.

here it is, my love for you.
to show how much i love you,
and how much you love me.

the lyrics aren't the ones that shows how much i love you.
it's the song itself.

blood, sweat and tears.

maths lesson, com lab.

HEY!
we're in the computer lab now. :)
okay, just wanna update 'cos didn't get a chance to update yesterday.
anyway, yesterday we had art remedial. damn it. was tricked by them twice or thrice. GRR. haha! :) after that me, lili and cry went to the market to eat. FINALLY ate my tomyam! :) yep, after that went home.

and then for today, we had to come here at 6.30AM okay! just for guides and scouts day. we do this every year you see. hmm, then nothing else really happened la. :)

damn. we have chem test today and i don't know a single thing. :( sigh*

weekend fun! :)

twas a good weekend!
marche with my family plus atsi claire on saturday night. hanlin didn't go though 'cos he has basketball training AND was playing dota with his friends (DUH!) that night. the food was delicious and i had a sip of some alchohol from my sis. like WOW? lucky me? they wouldn't even wanna let me buy. even though the bartender guy kinda offered me some ('cos according to him i look like 19 or 20.) damn. well anyway, neoprints after that with the whole family and it was funny 'cos we were like squezzing our asses on the stupid sofa. well unfortunately we couldn't really fit but we had a few nice shots. :)
sunday was pink panther with my precious and FINALLY a neoprint after pestering him to take FOR MONTHS. yes. the outcome was nice, except for one where i made a very very stupid face, which made that particular shot damn UGLY. and guess what? we picked that one too and I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. sheesh. but anyway, it was okay. :)

damn. there's like, accounts and english test tomorrow, chemistry test on wednesday, maths and social studies tests on thursday. damn. and oh, i had a test on chinese today. AHH!

okay. chermaine is so so so so so so sweet as in really really sweet. she bought us this cute keychain or whatever, so the 7 of us actually has one! :) isn't she sweet? :)

my baby taught me accounts today, but only the basics. but it's okay. :) gonna learn more the next time. :)

ahh! their having their campcraft competition now i guess. hope they can do well. good luck to them! :)

went doc's yesterday. i'm much better i guess? gonna check it out on the 17th next month. okay. this is really sickening. appointment dates are on 7th, 14th and 17th next month. really sickening. AHH! god HELP ME!

okay, gonna eat at marche later. YUMMY! marche rocks! can't wait! :)

blah.

hello people! haven't been updating. hmm..
12feb watched fun with dick and jane with my honhon. yep, then played games at the arcade. did't really do much that day.

13feb went out with my darlings to cine. there was me yanyi and the blu-tack. hunted for that idiot's present like hell! blahss. ate at kfc. me and shirley were like so stupid. :)
the guy at the left looks scary and that one at the right looks so so funny!
shirley! i'm NOT tarzan! neither am i jane! :) LOL!

14feb it's VALENTINES!
okay.. first things first. went to school with my sister by cab 'cos lili went to pass something to cry. dropped at somewhere 'cos she wanted to buy her milk tea. i dragged her to the market after that to buy our curry puffs. yep! and so coincidentally, my honeybunch was also there! :) yep, my stupid sister left us alone and then we walked together to school. it was still early so i was sitting alone with the bunch of guys at the side. hmm, and then after awhile there came a voice that said eyy hanlin! help me out! or something like that. it was YONGLIANG! the FLOWERMAN! wahaha! ya.. and i have nothing to do so i said eyy hanlin! for me arh? wahaha! i know i'm thick-skinned but ahh. anyway, what he said wasn't yep! for you my sweetheart! happy valentines day but instead it was no! of course not! this is for another girl! wahaha! okay, he was just joking okay. and then after a minute he gave me the flowers! AHH! that was the moment that's like, so so so so so so so so SWEET! ahh! as in really okay! AHH! he made me float and fly to the moon! i passed his present too. hope he likes it. :)
okay. lessons as usual. after recess my friends and i exchanged flowers. :) aren't we the sweetest clique? :) anyway, we were like mad girls okay. we kept screaming while trying to pick lots. haha! okay, in the end i got shirley's and shirley got mine. blah! i wanted corrie's 'cos her's is a tulip but in the end, phiney got it! AHH! my gosh! anyway, it's okay. :)
well, there was art after school. after art we waited for weijian and then that was the time we set off. went town, ate at sakae. queue was damn long. it was already kinda late i guess. BLAH! ate lots okay. blah blah. then went home by cab.
just wanna say..
thankyousomuchforeverything.
iloveyou. <3
'cos even the teeny-weeny bit of thing that you do like giving me a tube of purple mentos that morning, or even giving me a strepsil a day. yep, the smallest things that you do is like the many million smiles that you give me. :)

15feb red cross home. the people there were very very sick. some people cried. we sang songs for them and blew bubbles. we even wrote a note for one of them. :) i really really hope they enjoyed what we've done for them. i really really hope they get well.

16feb singapore discovery center. boring and very limited food! sleepy. BLAH! okay. my honey passed me the humongous baby taz. it was supposed to be his valentines day present for me but it was too big for him to bring to school so yeah. SWEET! :)

aorta is the artery that carries away the blood from the heart to all parts of the body.
okay i'm being lame. =D

horrible.

sometimes i really hate everything. not that there isn't anything wonderful i have. it's just that sometimes, somedays, my life seems so fucked up.

woke up this morning feeling restless and exhausted despite the fact that i had 8hours (or more) of undisturbed sleep. waited so so long for a stupid cab while carrying my heavy heavy bag. social studies test, with noisy shh's all over the place. for your info my dears, i really really hate it when i hear shh's. tsk's are so much better than that! it's just so annoying!

okay, this is what really pissed me off. as in, totally!
there was supposed to be a guides meeting, and we had to wait for 1 1/2 hour and look for one single person! that one very important person didn't turn up in the end! argh! seriously i'm really really damn pissed off. i mean, i waited for so long, feeling so restless and my back aching like hell. yes, you can blame me for being such a grandma but this is me. am i at fault just because of that one thing?

ahh, but there are still other things nice about today. one thing is having my friends, with their silly and cute and lively way of having fun. :) and of course the sotong who never fails to cheer me up when i'm down.

ya, that's all. but still quite sad about many things. :(

you're beautiful.

shabby & elegant.
rude & polite.
simple & gorgeous.

heartbreaking & sweet.
mind-numbing & charming.
mysterious & exposed.
mundane & spectacular.

ordinary & extraordinary.

that's what you are to me. :)

every little thing-

smiles masquerading tears;

grimaces masquerading fears.

you know, love can be beautiful with all the scars and flaws.
it's just how you make them out to be.

; but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away-

i was not prepared enough
to fall so deep in love
this is not your ordinary
no ordinary love

'cos YOU'RE EVERY LITTLE THING I WANTED,
ALL THE TIME.

day out.

hello people! yesterday i went to watch i not stupid 2 with lila, wenjie, yanyi, roger, yanping and melvin. it was fun, though we watched the very first show. 10.20 show okay! it was all our first time to wake up so early just to watch a movie. we watched the early one 'cos wenjie has tuition in the afternoon.

the movie was nice. IT MADE LILI CRY. wahaha! such a cry baby. WAHAHA! just kidding. anyway, after the movie me and lili went to buy my stuffs for awhile. I BOUGHT MY COFFIN PENCILCASE ALREADY! yay! then we went to the foodcourt to eat lunch.

after lunch we took some neos. IT WAS SO FUNNY! one of the neo, i made the eyes super big and everyone else looks so so funny ESPECIALLY MELVIN! HAHA! everyone was laughing like hell. and and, lili looks so funny too 'cos her mouth was open, then i made her mouth super big! like, twice the size okay! WAHAHA! fun!

we went to the arcade after that. :) played racing and others. wow! wenjie is so pro okay! he beat me in racing! wahh! but too bad melvin beat him. haha! melvin is a pro gamer man. ;) played the air hockey too. so funny, and FUN! :)

i'm now at sotong's place. :) gonna accompany him cut hair later. okay! till then people! TOODLES! :)