pangs of regret
twinges of conscience
reminiscence of the past
memory playbacks
i hate this. this feeling of having so much pain and sadness, nothing but those two revolving around my head and inside my heart. i know this blog is so one-sided, but all i could ever think about is how life is so unfair and sometimes, disgustingly irritating in very unreasonable ways.
how could it be that those words could actually lead to so many fights over stupid things that we ourselves make it so enormously big. it's just that sometimes, i too feel like disappearing for a while.
this feeling i feel, it's like i'm gonna lose my mind! it's not really like what you think, honey. you think after taking a nap or just by going letting the day pass by everything will turn out fine? no, it isn't that simple. some things are just too difficult to even try to forget about every detail of that particular matter. i just realised that after that day, everything turned bitter. i tried every way i could just to erase all the shit i feel inside. i couldn't. also nowadays, nothing can make me smile anymore whenever i feel so damned. nothing. it's like it's so hard to be happy.
yes i appreciate every little thing, and feel blessed too. of course i am. so may i ask, how can i stand still with you and not be moved by you? your love is so much better than the gummy bears that you give me. so much sweet love we had before. i know all we have to do is to go in an open room that echos well. that's where i can tell you everything. &that's where our wonderful memories are bound to be.
life isn't a bed of roses/ how many times have i heard you tell me this? of how little significance it has meant to me, till recently.
we can't keep on
i can't keep shielding myself with this novel or that.
i wish there was someone i could talk to.
my every heart beat still belongs to you. always will.
we'll work through this together.
i'm sorry.
