these the last verses that i write for her-

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, "The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance."
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all.

In the distance someone is singing.
In the distance
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is no longer with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how much I have loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's.
She will be another's.

Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I do love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for her.

-Pablo Neruda

alone with unwanted strangers.

i was alone that afternoon and for the entire night. right then and there i felt my knees trembling. i couldn't look up 'cos i don't want to see those faces again. the faces that gave humiliation and disgrace to my name and me. i was embarrased in front of many people whom i know only by names and faces. the laughter that filled the air was burning me yet i was so helpless. helpless enough to just bow my head down and accept the humiliation i recieved. i was alone, so alone. i didn't feel any of my friends there. i didn't feel anyone there. it felt like i was in a secluded place, trapped. where no one would care, no one would bother how much pain i'm feeling. and at that time i just wanted to run away as fast as i can, to find that person who would take me in his arm openly and will never push me away. i wish he was there. i wish you were there, sotong. :(

and it's not because she was there and she looked at me with her star-like eyes. it wasn't because he and she were there. it was all because of the past that i still could not forget. where it says down there when i walked down memory lane, that i was stupid enough to be decieved by you. the thing is, when she looked at me and i looked at her, i felt like the dumbest person in the world, looking into the person's eyes whom i've known long enough to sing praises about her, and not long enough to know who she really is. i've seen her, finally. i've seen the real her and not from just pictures. and i think i've had enough, 'cos i really couldn't take it anymore.

you're like the vampire, sucking all my blood from my veins.
taking all my strength from me, knowing so well that i'm weak.
you're the selfish vampire, the one who has left many scars in me.

you, YOU BASTARD.

too much hurt and too many lies. i've been naive enough to bluff my heart then, but now's different. i may not be stronger than before. i may still be that lil idiot who believed you. but never again will that happen. NEVER. i've let my feelings walk past me already. i'm never gonna let history repeat itself again. i'm never gonna put you back in my life agaiin. call me stupid. call me dumb. i don't fucking care anymore. 'cos you're fucking nobody to me in my life now.

i'm feeling so damn bad right now. not because of what i wrote up there, but because things just wouldn't go my way. the physical pain that i feel is so unbearable that once all my loved ones are not by my side, i just feel so down, so useless, so helpless. my heart, numb, caused by all the pain i feel everyday in my life. only in my sleep do i not feel the pain. only in my sleep do i have sweet dreams.
i feel like dying, like putting my life to an end but i know that i can never do that because i'm too weak to do so. i'm weak, so weak.
but thank you. thank you for being there for me. these people who are always by my side, the gang and of course, that sotong. :) thank you THANK YOU so SO much for being there for me.
and as for you, thank you so much for ruining my life. thank you. thank you so much for hurting me 'cos now i know what is real and what is not. THANK YOU, you BASTARD.

you; CRAZY FOR YOU.

so many things has happened.

i looked into those eyes
and i see love.
but i see something else.
something i cant define.

mild.

i'm so happy and not so happy sometimes. i don't know why too. i wonder on lotsa things like how it's gonna be, how he feels, 'cos honestly, i'm all vexed and i don't really know what he feels. i've so many things to ask him but i'm scared of what i might get. i'm really scared.

okay okay! yesterday we had our national day rehearsal. i'm the flag bearer again for this year. ahh! i don't know if i'm happy or sad but i think being in goh is almost the same. except that the five of us flag bearers will be the center of attraction once we come in. ahh! i'm so excited, i think? :D

actually, the flag bearers just kinda slacked yesterday 'cos we weren't really required to practice much. so yeah, i waited for np to finish, and then we went off.

to the market with lili and the guys for a drink. the guys were funny as usual, and blah blah. erm, one thing. i kinda made fun of xue zhi, and then he kinda answered me back. i punched his arm while he was eating his ice kacang or whatever and then it spilled all over the table. and guess what he did? he poured some of his thing on my grass jelly! ARGH!! and i still wanted to drink that you know 'cos i was so damn thirsty! ARGH! but nevermind, it's alright. HAHA!

erm, i kinda made everyone embarrased 'cos i screamed at xue zhi. HEHE! oops, really sorry guys. :D oh! and i made ah beng the most embarrased person of the day. 'cos this cheryl girl who studies at nushs, i kinda know her but i haven't really talked to her. i only know her name. so anyway, i saw her, and then she kept looking at the guys i think. and then we were kinda making fun of ah beng. then they dared me to call her over. so I DID! haha! and then she came over. i asked for her number, pretending that ah beng likes her, and then he just walked away! HAHA! but aiya, she didn't really give her number. WAHAHA! and ah jian and sotong went to 7-11 so they kinda missed the fun.

we saw crystal on the way to the market. yep, blah blah. some people took bus and some cabbed. SIGHS*

today is speech day! ahh! i didn't really feel like going but my sister kinda pulled me to go with her so i did. it was BORING. i slept for awhile but i was crapping with eugenia most of the time. yep, the whole thing finished and i waited for my sister for DAMN LONG. sotong kinda accompanied me so nevermind. it was worth it anyway. but i was kinda pissed with my sister for awhile 'cos she asked me to eat with her after the whole thing and then in the end she ate first. GRR. but it was okay. went to mac and stayed there. we didn't really wait until the rain stops so yep. went home like that. BORING DAY. oh ya, i forgot the most pissing thing. the VERY EXPECTED COMPLAINS from teachers to my sister. LIKE WOW. when will they EVER stop?

happy&sad.

a week's gone, and many things has happened. everything's okay except for the fact that something's bothering me. i won't ask because i'm too shy to speak, but i think my dear friends should know.

enough of all the unhappy things. i'll tell you more about the funny and happy things.
first very nice thing that i know of is that, i know i am being remembered by someone i label as "special". whatever that may mean, i always enjoy the many many hours of crapping on the phone after our bedtime even when there's still school the next day.

oh! there was racial harmony yesterday! we wore japanese costumes. dressing up was fun. :) the day before that, we went to rent our costumes, crapped as usual, ate pRata and cabbed.

monday i chatted with crystal at mac and went to the market to eat too. today, the three of us sat together again for a nice chat at mac. it's really a great pleasure having good friends like them. :)

yesterday was cool 'cos that sotong and i kinda went home together. waited at mac while weiling and david entertained me. oh, and i entertained myself by drawing a monkey and a dog. cute. :) anyway, so after everything we ate ice cream at orchard and we got kinda stuck inside a cd shop for quite awhile. yep, simple yet enjoyable. :)

okay, i think i'm done with the happy things and i already said i won't really talk about unhappy things so i think i'll just leave them somewhere else. i won't take them with me. i'll try. :)

and yes, about what i said yesterday, i mean it. i really really mean it. i like you far more than what you think. i like you, yes i do.

upset!

phiney said that no matter how you put aside those horrible things, you will never get them outta there. i guess what she said was true. i spoke too soon when i said, "no no! you can definately put it aside without feeling anything!" i guess i was wrong. you crossed the road, my heart skipped a beat. and then i knew that very moment that no matter what, it's gonna take forever to forget. :(

phiney! SEE OPEN! SEE OPEN!
i'll always rememeber. :)

and another thing. i dunno if i'm already a year too late. i dunno. i really don't know.
i don't know if we just don't wanna speak our minds, or is it because i'm already far behind you?
i wish i'm not. i wish i'm not! :'(

i wish everything will turn out okay. i wish, I WISH. :(

EVERYTHING! :)

OH MY GOSH! i wanna tell you guys about what i did during the holidays and stuffs.

okay, first was camp. it was fun, although there were some sucky part but it's still fun.

first day- , the most unforgettable moments were the games part. and of course, the very FAMOUS INCIDENT at labrador. UGH! and PLUS! everyone was sick and blah~ forget it.

second day- , this one's cool. 'cos they had to go kayaking in the morning, so those sick people and those who did sentry duty the night before aren't supposed to go. so we stayed inside the guys room to sleep. there was me, lili, hanLin, clement, ji ping and two other campers. yep, we slept. and by the way, ji ping's feet are so SMELLY! kept getting near me OKAY! haha!

then we helped out on the campfire stuffs. before that we made out our very own group cheer and it was so funny 'cos it has ah jian and melvin in it. they were acting as jack and rose in titanic. haha!
yep, so that night, we had campfire. crystal and margareth stopped by for a while. :) oh, although the campfire wasn't that fantastic but it was okay. it wasn't that bad, i think. haha!

okay, so all of us planned to stay awake til next morning. i meant the instructors. well, i don't think it's that successful 'cos one by one they all slept and i was like the only one awake so i decided to sleep too. :D actually there were kinda more things that happened that night but i shan't say all of them out.

third day- , i woke up seeing hanLin and ji ping chatting in front of me, and ela sleeping at the other couch while they were having their pt. wahaha! okay, so the two of them were hiding in the den. SMART. hah! yep. nothing really interesting happened after that. oh! we kinda played some water bombs after the campers left. aisyah, clement and ela were soaking wet. haha!

we want mac, sat with the guys and sort of made fun of ah jian 'cos of something he did the night before. haha! then blah blah, went home. :)

okay, here's for the time i went back to the phils-.
mainly was 1/4 shopping and 3/4 eating, that's why i bought so little shirts. but the shirts i bought were pretty, and one of my favorites is this colorful nike shirt. :) i love it! and then i've got this shoe, from 360 degrees, and it's kinda purple! i love that too! haha! and this pink bag from benneton! one of my favorites too! oh! and my bunny handphone pouch, plus my ballerina slippers! haha! i'm so so happy jus thinking of them.
-------------

oh! and i ate more when we had hangovers at mine and meggie's place! we ordered tons and tons of food like pizza, spaghetti, hamburgers, double chicken, fishballs! ahh! i think we already ordered every kind of food in the world!

oh! there was once when phillip dropped my phone! grr! and i felt like killing him but he hasn't died yet. haha!

then once we went to megs place and we went to the deck, and we had to climb this scary staircase and i didn't want to. and no matter how hard they pulled me i still didn't want to so we have no choice but to use the lift up to the deck. we didn't wanna use the lift at first 'cos the owner was living near there and we would get caught easily. so yep, we used the lift but we had to climb another staircase to go up and i have no other choice 'cos there wasn't any lift to there anymore. haha! and we didn't even bring our handphones so it was completely dark up there! and to think that it was only the three of us girls 'cos the two other guys said they'll go later!

ahh! when we finally reached there we climbed this water tank that is so so high up! and it was weird 'cos megs and aiko weren't scared of the dark while i was so scared of it, and now they are the ones who are scared of heights! ahh! but in the end we all went up, and phillip and moses were up there too. and i'm so damn EXTRA 'cos they had their own partners and i was like, jus standing alone at a corner! ahh! but it's ok. :)

we used the stairs to go down and i was so freaked out that megs made me touch moses's butt! ahh! but again, it was okay. :D
-------------

err, then there was a day we went out together, everyone plus princess, reuben, phillip, moses, and abi's lil bro. stan couldn't make it so yeah, i had my husband all by myself. :D

we went ice skating and everyone's actions were so so funny! sheena fell 3 times! nikki was like dancing while she's skating and also like hugging everyone she gets near to and she almost fell on her face once because of her "dance moves" and the strangers in front of her were laughing too!

we had to send aislinn back home so after that, we went back to her place and took pictures, then we went off without her. :( then we went to the baywalk for awhile, then to blue wave to eat. after we ate we wanted to go to this church, but it was already closed. :(

we sent everyone home then there was me, ben, phillip and aiko left. we went up aiko's place to see amber, her cute cute baby sis. haha! it was around i think 12 or something then we stayed around 1. i stayed over their place and phillip didn't. make a guess why. :D

slept at around 3 or 4 and woke up at 6 'cos they're gonna go to school the next day. so yep, rhetty and ryan are so so cute! :)
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okay, there was another time when they went to my place and we watched shutter and the girl next door and then ate and ate and stoned. but it was fun. :)
-------------

oh! the second last night before i went off, my big bro and irene and posky went karaoke to sing and sing! haha! and the next day my throat was kinda hurting! and my bro was like singing weird songs too! haha!
-------------

ahh! the last night! ahh! i met up with them, only the 6 of us 'cos aislinn couldn't make it and they didn't really invite the guys and ben was still having his basketball training and phillip was MIA! haha.. so yep. we did have fun. we were like eating and eating and they ate without me and aiko okay! and they were still like trying to make it not so obvious! and we eat like we haven't eaten for CENTURIES! wahaha! OH! and we were laughing like hell trying to make everyone pay up their share but in the end i paid up the most. WAHAHA!

then one by one they went home. :( and the hardest part was when aiko was in her house, saying goodbye to me. :'( and then the next day, i flew back here. but i did get a lot of sweet messages from them :)
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sighs* and i missed all the fun at shirley's kbox party. :( i can't go.
but back at school was so fun! somedays were boring 'cos lotsa people were sick.
ahh, LILI! GET WELL SOON!

oh ya! u know, i actually went to this chapel, 'cos it was just behind the shopping center. and you know what? i realised that i have so much things to tell GOD. too many to even say it out. :(

after effects and thank you notes. :)

after all the pain and struggle, life is too short for me to grieve over things.

as what my dearest friend AIKO has said, "get over him and MOVE ON." and not only that. your advices and experiences has insipred me in many ways. <3
life has never been the same, i know. but since the day i tried to deal things myself, that perfect facade of mine slowly flushed away.

but surely, my friends are there for me too, of course. :)
here's to SHEENA, my very lovable and sweet husband who never fails to cheer me up. you may think that there was never a time you ever made me happy but you're wrong. 'cos i know that even if you're not there, you're actually THERE. there for me ALL THE TIME. to listen to how i nag and how i repeat the same old thing to you. THANK YOU. <3

well to some like CRYSTAL and LI HUI, they may not have the same thoughts in mind as me. but each time i run to them, to tell them how i feel, i know that they'll try to help me in every single way. i know that they will not leave me at an empty corner. our different perspectives has caused some changes to things which made my life complicated, but in a FUNNY&COOL WAY. you may not understand but this is how i think we work things out. without them, life would be so screwed. <3

HUI YI, my beloved sister. seldom do we see each other but i know we connect in some way. that bond that we have is uncomparable to any. it's a different kind of bond that makes me want to hold onto it forever. THANK YOU VERY MUCH for being there for me, especially that time when i was really so broken, at camp. i can't imagine how everything will turn out without you. <3

and most of all, this ANONYMOUS person. you probably think that you hadn't done anything to make me feel better but in some special and magical way, you did. finally, we did it. we're out of that trapped box and we're out here leading "normal" lives again. we don't have to "hide under tables". not anymore, never. i can finally taste the feeling of before. i have so many things to tell you, so many words unsaid and undone and this time, i'm gonna make sure that i don't miss out on any. i'm gonna prove what i gotta prove over time. so, yep. THANK YOU extra special much, with whipped cream and cherry on top. 'cos you're there when you actually didn't know that i needed you. YOU REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY.<3

now, i declare to myself that i'm not gonna hustle on to anything. i'm gonna do my best. i'm gonna stand tall and stand back up when i fall. and if i really reach to the extent that i'm fallin off a hill or a cliff, i know that i have someone to pull me back up. :)

a note.

well, here i am again. maybe you guys think that i haven't been saying any sensible things lately based on my previous entries. but you know what, all those things i said, even if some are just lyrics, they're all how i feel. but the fact that i'm already broken inside, i can't hide how i really feel because this is reality.

you know what, i had a dream last night, a very unexpected one.
i hugged you. i didn't wanna let go but i had to so i tried getting away from you. but you tried keeping me around your arms, holding me tighter as if you wanted me. i struggled but you're just far too strong. and then i woke up.

i don't know what i'm supposed to feel but all i could think of was i have to go. i really have to. we can't get stuck here forever. there's someone out there waiting for you. you know what i'm trying to tell you. and you know what i always say, just go.

you are a good guy, you made me happy in a million ways. you made me sad too. you made me cry, you made me feel so alone. but you know, all the sadness i felt before was quickly overpowered by happiness. you being with me was a gift. but the perfect gift was torn apart by many undesirable problems, and this is the outcome.

but seriously though, you are a nice person. i still think you're nice even if i hated you sometimes. well, you can't blame me for that right?

just too late./

how could you come with me when you knew all along that you had to go?
how could you watch me sleep so close to you, pretending not to know?
how could you memorize my name and forget who i am?
how could you think you're still the same, believing i can?

how could you ask for more with an innocent smile, trusting me to stay?
how could you close the door and leave me here, supposing i'm ok?
how could you breakdown my disguise and uncover my fears?
how could you look into my eyes, ignoring my tears?

;-questions of the helpless.

it's too late to start pretending.
it's too late for a new beginning.
later than the sunset, later than the rain.
later than I never to love you again.

freak out.

my heart's unwilling to tell the truth.
and maybe, just maybe, THAT is the truth.
argh! and i don't know why i'm feeling like this.

guess my love for you isn't gone that fast.
guess your love for me is ALREADY gone.

now i know that someday, somehow, you won't love me anymore.
i was scared then, but i knew that day will come.
so what can i do? tears aren't what i have to face everyday!
it's that pain, that anger, that disbelief that makes me wanna go crazy!

pain because i know i love you,
anger because of your actions,
and disbelief because all these damage is done only by YOU.
i still can't believe you did this to me.

but let me tell you this:
i know i did my best,
and as i say, it takes two hands to clap.

everytime i did my best, you weren't there.
YOU WEREN'T THERE, I SWEAR.
it was always me who did all the emotional thing.
and i STILL don't understand WHY.

all i need is to make my questions in life lesser.
all i need you to do is answer some of them.
arghh!

PAIN.

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

for YOU-;

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

heart&head; oh LOVE.

my heart taking over my head
and my head taking over my heart

my brain's exhausted a lil too much,
and my heart's broken a lil bit too much.

definately a bit too much for me to handle.
DEFINATELY TOO MUCH.

it's cool, i guess.

today was good. besides the sudden attack from my back and something something, i guess everything else was good. lili's mum's potatoes are the best!

what'sdonecannotbeundone.

thosewordspeircedmyheart.

ifonlyyou'llgivemeanotherchance.

ifonly.

finally.

exams are finally over, and now's the holidays. it's rather fast. half a year's gone by so fast that anyone barely noticed it. yeah. half a year full of happy, sad, stupid, funny, lonely, terrible, joyous and whatever times.

you know, day by day, i just feel as though everyone i love is drifting away from me, bit by bit. this is another of my "i-don't-know-why"entries. so many questions i have to ask.
those who are with me everyday. we did almost everything funny and cute and silly and stupid even serious times together but we just slowly fell apart. disappointment will just slowly rip your heart until you can't feel anymore. that's the saddest thing.

another thing. the one i don't always see but love. i have a vivid picture of him in my mind. i wish i can be with him when i'm sad and when i'm happy and when i'm crazy and when i'm naggy. but no he isn't. he's always "somewhere out there". it's like, the connection isn't there anymore. what the hell's happening?

one last thing, and of course DEFINATELY not the least. the one who's so near yet so, SO FAR. i hear your voice, i see you smile, i hear you laugh. i see everything, but all's not meant for me. i have been planning to start anew with everything, but i FEEL and THINK that something out there is stopping me. so many misunderstandings, so many things we missed out on. when's the right time to have a heart to heart?

i know it's a sin not being contented with one's life. but let me ask you something: if you are already contented with your own life, not wanting anything anymore, then is that still called LIFE? i thought life is where you enjoy not everything you have? i thought life is where you meet challenges everyday? i thought life is where you feel to have a need of something you couldn't have? i thought life is where everyone has to suffer even just a tiny bit?
what is life, really??

yes, it's almost a year. half of it was full of happiness and sometimes doubts and anger with love too, but half of it is full of sadness, obssession, regret. ahh, i don't know. i don't know i don't know i don't know.

well, my life isn't exactly that sucky. i still have people who stick by me 24/7. and i love love love them so much. people like LIHUI and CRYSTAL. the very loud MEGS and of course the great superstar AIKO. they're the great ones, the best of the best.
and not forgetting HUIYI and SHEENA too. <3

ahh, there's actually a good side in my life, and yes i'm happy. :)

oh and by the way, my results are shitty so don't bother asking.

lucks / me.

here's a quote for you guys and myself, for the upcoming exams:

"When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either"
-Leo Burnett.

so people poeple! i wish you and me luck while WE reach for the stars for the following week in hope that WE won't come up with a handful of mud! ;)

ahh, and here's something i got from friendster:

Copy this and change the answers, then leave it as a comment for me, alright?
If I were a month I would be: february.
If I were a day of the week I would be: saturday.
If I were a time of day I would be: 23-59.
If I were a planet I would be: venus.
If I were a sea animal I would be: a starfish.
If I were a direction I would be: south
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a cedar chest.
If I were a sin I would be: jealousy.
If I were a historical figure I would be: dead!
If I were a liquid I would be: vodka.
If I were a stone, I would be: amber.
If I were a tree, I would be: a willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: a flamingo.
If I were a tool, I would be: no idea.?
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a tulip. [ lovely :)
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: mist.
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: a mermaid.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: off key.
If I were an animal, I would be: a persian cat.
If I were a color, I would be: black&white+PURPLE.(make any sense?)
If I were an emotion, I would be: regret.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: GARLIC!
If I were a sound, I would be: rain pattering.
If I were an element, I would be: wind.
If I were a car, I would be: definately a hot pink sports car.
If I were a song, I would be: Angel - Sarah McLachlan.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Baz Luhrmann (Moulin Rouge).
If I were a book, I would be written by: Ann Brashares.
If I were a food, I would be: potato!
If I were a place, I would be: the tip of your tongue.
If I were a material, I would be: satin.
If I were a taste, I would be: an apple.
If I were a scent, I would be: eh, dom.?
If I were a religion, I would be: catholic.
If I were a word, I would be: imperfection.
If I were a body part I would be: eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smile.
If I were a subject in school I would be: literature.
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Little Mermaid.
If I were a shape I would be a/an: <3.
If I were a number I would be: odd.

Shall I become no more than a puppet?
A mindless puppet, never to laugh, never to cry?
I wish to live my life under the sky.
At times I shall laugh, at other times cry.
For no life is more insincere than that lived as a masquerade.

-I want to be your canary

Lord Avon, Final Fantasy IX

late-night thoughts.

as if life wasn't sad enough and happiness doesn't last.

i'm missing you
i never knew how much she'd loved me
i'm missing you
i never knew how much you meant to me
i need you and when you go
i know it never ends
never ends