i'm all DONE! yay!

yipee! my layouts done! ahh! i started last night, and yay! i'm done, i'm done i'm done! whoppee! i'm so happy! wahaha!

hmm. lemme tell you bout what happened this week.

monday.
after school was supposed to go home with lili, but she said she wanted to go buy her sly cd. i suggested her to bring along the rest. then blah blah. dunno why it took so long for us to go. was waiting for shirley and delphine or whatever i think. in the end, me lili and crystal went. trish, cherm and those two stayed behind.

eugenia took the bus with us. ahh! then it rained soon after she alighted! ahh! we had to run okay! ahh! and we were so drenched! wahh! and i look like a mushroom because of my stupid hair! ahh! damn. haha! and crystal kept laughing at me. wahaha!

then blahblah. walked around heeren. bought that sly cd, walked, looked, took neos FINALLY! bwahaha! took sticker and card. =D bought rock choco's from mini toons, and my hotdog! harhar, and i forgot to give back cry's maths tys. wahaha! sorry. :)

tuesday.
went to boon's house to take his comics. lili wants it. hmm, then decided to find new skin for phiney's blog. check it out! haha.. anyway, phiney is delphine. that's my new nick for her. ;)

wednesday.
wahaha! i skipped chinese b! yipee! wahaha! 'cos i had bio test. blehx! haha! after that the gang split into dunno how many halves. me and chermaine cutie went to clementi. i wanted to buy that accounts book but we can't find it so bought another kind instead. but it's also exactly the same, just bigger in size. hmm anyway, we took a really long time at the pen station. i wouldn't wanna give up on finding that fantastic black pen. ahh! and i found it at the last minute! yay! it was all alone, and we're so so fated. ;)

hmm, i was hunting for a mechanical pencil, and i saw this really cool, cute one. ahh! but it was too expensive! and chermaine forbade me to buy it. haha! oh and btw, we saw the initial d car! ahh! at first i was not really interested in it, but cherm told me the story until it made me wanna watch the upcoming initial d movie! ahh! ;)

thursday?
haha! it was sort of a good and bad day. i sat outside the office. i was given the special treatment by mrs yeo though, with the chair, table and all. she's real nice. :) hmm, everyone who passed by me said my work looks great, and i draw real well and all. wahaha! funny. it was all bullshit!

chermaine joined me when it was almost recess. grr that miss yeo. so mean. grr! and so once again, it was the two of us. haha! we chatted non-stop while shading, and blah. those stupid guys, kelvin neo boon chung and andrew plus others kept disturbing us! haha! say we artist. haha! and they even told me it is nice sitting outside for the rest of the day, watching the grass grow.

after school was art, i was the last one who left. and erm, went to nushs for their napfa run. i planned to run 2-3 rounds, but my mother number one didn't allow me. :( so mean. ahh anyway, it was ok. :) after that went back to school, hung around the volleyball court there, see them train. jiao lian talked to us, disturb us, and even scared ME! grr! haha!

friday.
was supposed to sit outside the office 'cos i didn't finish my work again. wahaha! the night before, i thought i lost my art! ahh! i panicked! called lili, messaged miss yeo without recieving any reply. grr. hmm, but i found it in the art room. wahaha! i managed to finish it all by the end of the day.

stayed at the guide den. was with jie, genia joined in later. did some sanding of poles, blahblah.. hmm, went to mac. crystal, lili, trish, edmund and dom were there. then blahblah. sorry hor jie, didn't go back with you. hmm, talked talked, they played vball outside mac. then that stupid dom go and video me! ahh so ugly! :( i was caught rubbing my nose! eee! :(

went cc, he went home, blah. see them play, blah. left me lili and cry in the end. wanted to go dolphin there, the karaoke place with air-con, but it was still closed. :( started drizzling, sat under the rain, talk talk. went home. :)

saturday.
all bull la. did nothing but crap, and do my layout. :)

sunday.
ate out. did nothing again but do my layout. and ta daaa! :)

happy birthday
gabriel ! ;)

LONG..

and here i am again. damn. my layout sucks. i've no time to change it. ahh! just bear with it for the moment. i'll try to change it soon.

yea well anyway, yesterday was pretty fun. went to ghim moh mac around 2 plus to meet crystal, jasmine and tricia. then waited awhile for him, and off we went to the cc.

there were quite a number of guys down there already. i don't know them, but i saw some familiar faces. at first my mother number 3, crystal chan, did not allow me to play volleyball 'cos of blahblah. harhar! so yea, i went to shoot hoops myself. then blahblah, joey came, the girls are at one side, the boys at the other. jasmine has tuition, so she went off first. the three of us went to the market to eat.

we ate at the dessert shop. at first i didn't know what to order. i looked around and i don't know what the hell were those so i just ordered red bean. =D we talked and talked, blah blah. ahh! then crystal brought up the topic about some fishball noodles that are really delicious! ahh! then she persuaded us to eat. haha! since the way she said it was tempting us, we went to buy our own bowl. =D

ahh! and she was so damn right! the fishballs are nice! yay! haha! but crystal didn't eat, 'cos she said her grandmama cooked for her. so after eating, crystal went home first.. me and tricia went back to the cc. when we got back, there were a dozen people playing there already! ahh! i think more than a dozen! aha! we had very limited space to play volleyball (my mother no. 3 allowed me to play in the end. =D ) 'cos they were having a match. wahaha! we sat down, watched, and it was quite funny 'cos i-dunno. haha! just funny. haha!

blahblah, it was already turning dark. some flying thing came, more, and MORE! ahh! it was like SNOWING! and the one naked guy with the tattoo said, "this is the first time i saw singapore snowing". wahaha! that wasn't the only funny part la. haha! they even went to video those flying thing. so boliao. haha!

everyone stopped playing already, crystal came, we hung out at somewhere inside the cc. then blah. oh! there's this guy, so funny! all the guys were teasing him 'cos he wore his boxers with his briefs inside! wahaha! and you know what his reason is? haha! he said 'cos if you wear boxers, that thing will stand, then people will see especially GIRLS! wahaha! so he wore his briefs inside for extra safety. wahaha! so idiotic. ahh, blahblah. around 8 i think, went home.

ahh! everything was fine yesterday when i went home. but i woke up this morning having an aching EVERYTHING! ahh! i think i moved pretty damn much yesterday.
ahah! or maybe i've not exercised for too long already. wahaha! :P

anyway, anyhow, all is not forgotten.

just things, and more things.

lemme tell you something important first.
happy birthday
hui yi JIE!
belated- :(
sorry i couldn't celebrate your birthday with you. :(


hmm.
another thing.

lemme just tell you what's deep within.

i've been collecting broken hearts and gathering them up into my arms, always trying to
hide them under every forced smile.

reliving the times when i first realised my crushed dreams, when i picked up the pieces i never realized i had dropped along the way.
and then, everything came full circle. and it was suddenly apparent that i am losing and finding parts of myself all of the time.

wishing for old faces, stimulating conversation, intangibile decisions.
plus, internal exploration leaving me with a greater quantity of questions there will never be answers to.

not much has changed.
and you know what? i can assure you that no matter what you think, none of you can actually understand what the heck I'm talking about.

idon'tknowhowtomendthis

oh btw,
belated happy birthday, you.
i wish i could celebrate your birthday with you.
but i can't.. :'(

`- it's all been done.

the days i'm gone.

ahh! okay.
five days of no updating officially.
but it feels like i didn't update for so long already. think it's 'cos i've been typing crap on my previous entries. but anyhow, i think i shall tell you guys what's been happening to my life.

hmm. lemme recall.
there was one day, end of march, all the sec three's went to this camp.
um, we went to chinese garden. ahh! it was real fun. first was kayaking. partnered edwin. then we were like, always going the wrong direction. haha! and we were so damn wet already! oh! i was with tricia almost the whole day, 'cos we were split into 3 groups.

yea, so after kayaking was dragon boat. the boat kept wanting to drop us into the water, and i held tricia's hand a lot of times! haha! hmm, then rafting, me and tricia didn't do anything. 'cos i don't really know how to tie. actually i know, i'm just too lazy to bend down. after they finished tying the whole thing, i don't know what has gotten into tricia to ask me to sit on the tires of the so-called 'boat'. haha! hmm, but in the end we did it. hah! we sat there, and the two guys kept rowing, tricia was slacking and rowing, and i kept kicking! haha! 'cos my arms are tired. haha! we raced, and we won. my shoe got stuck, half of my body fell into the water, i left my shoe but the instructor helped me take it. :)

ah then blahblah. when we reached ghim moh i went to tricia's house to bathe, 'cos i can't stand being so dirty! eew! and damn we had a stupid english course ya know? grr, so boring. met up with crystal, yea she didn't go. then blahblah.

err, that saturday. RAINING. damn. i wanted to go to holland v for my cup of frap but damn! hmm, went queensway with that dummy. blahblah. wanted to cut my hair but in the end didn't. went to mac, crystal jasmine and tricia were there. crapped a lil, went home. damn, my hair's growing like shit.

um, the rest are blahblah's. oh! i've been going to chinese b already. have to get at least 50% attendance. =D no choice. hmm, and i didn't go to school today 'cos blahblah. secret. =D

the guide to nowhere.

sometimes it just hurts
well, it always does.
i just don't understand, WHY.
is this love not worth?

it just FUCKING hurts
because all the pain is inside
and i just won't talk til it's all done.

such an IDIOT.

the love with no return.

damn! i'm wide awake.

there ain't no diskette around the house.
(so how am i supposed to get my work done?)
ain't no mommy nagging around.
(uh, yeah. wait till tomorrow.)
ain't no busybody walking up and down.

peaceful night.
sweet surrender.

and so i thought it was.

Everything i know,and anywhere i go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

same old.

OMG! i will die if i just keep everything to myself.

the way our minds and hearts work is really complicating and beyond comprehension.
sometimes certain things are just so plain to see but we are blinded. by love, by dreams, by false hopes.

when feelings are involved, things are always easier said than done. although you may know what's good for you but getting down to actually doing what you know is good for you is difficult.

the number of sad people around is definitely more than the number of happy people around.
life is a bitch.

---

H
A
T
E

hatehateHATE.

DONT TALK TO ME OR ANYTHING
'COS I HATE YOU.

ILOVEYOU-
ME AND MY FRIENDS.
LEAVE US ALONE.


I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
EVERYTHING'S SO COMPLICATED.

FRUSTRATING!

just READ ON.

FUCK.
i feel so shitty and damned.
FUCK.

yes FUCK.
i'm angry, i'm mad,
I'M PISSED!
just FUCK!
FUCKFUCKFUCK!

think of this and think of that.
i mean whatthefuck is goin on in there?!

okay.
here's a decent message for the most important people in my life:
i know i'm far away and stuff.but it doesn't mean that i'm not there.
I'M THERE! there in your hearts. and i will do everything just to keep US together
iloveyouGUYS.
you know that.

-sighs*

you me us
the other us
us us us,
blahblah.
complicationoftheworld
orRATHER,myLIFE!

oh and by the way,

um, by the way WHAT?
i don't know what i wanna say.

hmm, me and my brother are talking right now. haha! and i'm laughing like shit. he's kinda asking me silly questions, and it's so weird and funny. bwahaha! and we were looking at the tiffany and co page. ahh! jewelry! so freaking nice! ahh! i don't know. suddenly realised that i actually like jewelry. there's actually A GIRL IN ME! AHAHA! i first thought i'm half gay. WAHAHA! oh gosh, LAME!

hmm, nice layout huh? i didn't make it. haha! but for your info, don't ever ever steal those words at the side okay! THEY'RE MINE! NO ONE ELSE'S! MINE! MWAHAHA!

ahh, hmm. okay. i'm pissed with someone. JUST someone.
BYE!

my inner peace shit.

ahh. today.

we were bored, so we headed to the most comfortable place on earth, STARBUCKS.
spent our whole afternoon slacking there. daydreaming, chit-chatting, eating, drinking our infamous fraps and expresso's. was with my dearest sissy by the way. :)

as i sat at the sofa for hours and hours, my thought was:
today could be the most peaceful day of my life! my mind was completely blank. just me and myself. i wasn't even thinking of my friends or anyone special. i mean, it's weird but it's true! i spent my whole afternoon thinking of nothing but myself and everything that gets near me. memories weren't even part of it.

my coffee, my book and me.
plus the wall of complication- .
full of promises
ANTICIPATION
do i need you or do you need me?
i'm somewhat lost.
curling, swirling.
reaching, taking.
we have come full circles.
a swallow/ a sip/ another cup
YESorNO?
coffee around the world
FEELtheWIND!
thumpaTHUMPA

my life wouldn't be as complicated as this.
much more.

realityHIT.;black&white/GRAY.

excruciating pain
clutching on my back.
i walk, and i stumble.
I FALL.

no one to pull,
no one to lean,
no one to touch,
no one to feel.

black now white
white now black
gray areas
spattered with blood
it's not as innocent as it seems
ALONE-
just me and the breeze.
just YOU and ME.
*DREAM.

it's a sad SAD situation.

POOF! gone.
all down the drain like it never happened.
memories in it, forever will stay.
forever remembered,
never to be forgotten.
NOT EVER!

yesterday was super bad. i had mood swings out of nowhere.but then of course, my sweethearts and my 3 mummies made it better. and of course, not forgetting our very good friend xue zhi too! :)

yea, after school we took heavy stuffs to lili's house. cabbed with xue zhi and lili to holland. yep. we planned to meet somewhere at bk to eat at nydc. yea. but when we finally got there we were kinda picky, or rather I was kinda picky. at first it was starbucks, then coffee bean. i saw sush tei and i really wanna go in! then i saw AL DENTE and i was really tempted, but FORGET IT. ahh! HAAGEN DAZS! it's all so tempting! but i knew that xue zhi wanted to eat at coffee bean, so we KINDA settled in there. but oh my gosh! who knew that THAT stupid xue zhi said DELIFRANCE! my knees felt weak so of course, we went one round back to where we started just to eat there.

the queue was long, the manager's shitty and then we ate. first was very serious talk. but we didn't wanna ruin our lunch just because of a someone so we changed the topic to songs, to corn and then to capture the infamous ME eating a big lump of corn. eww! mamma mia, by the way. hah! OH! ALMOST FORGOT! THANKS SO MUCH, XUE ZHI, FOR TREATING US! :) LET US FIND SOME TIME TO TREAT YOU BACK OKAY? :)

yep, waited until 3.30 for the stupid speech. and it was so so boring! ahh! and my results were shitty, PLAIN SHITTY. i passed 3 and failed 3. accounts and ss F9, and science 48! ahh well, at least i improved a lil for my science.

crystal lili and i went down to bukit batok for the sim and the ball. lili's got her sim, while i've got my NOTHING. and i'm overly depressed. there wasn't fate AT ALL. it's GONE.

death_
i'm not gonna leave.
NEVER.

boliao la.

BWAHAHA!
hello!
i'm in the com lab now. hehe..only me, tricia and crystal's group. meaning that corrie, shirley, delphine, chermaine and lili still in class. BWAHAHA! hehe..
they're suffering there while we're enjoying air-con! BWAHAHA! but still quite hot la. haha..

haix. so boring. :( crystal just sneezed. and she's so pissed with the stupid com. and she's banging the mouse now. wahaha! and and, tricia and crystal peeped at what i am writing. ahh! and crystal banged the mouse again. poor mouse. haha!

i'll come back later la. maybe. hehe, if i've got the time. 'cos i'm gonna go get back my ball. argh! have to bring home the stupid lightbox! ahh! die!

yay! the other group is coming up le. yay! haix. but can't sit with them. :(

blog later. bye!

fate and love;memories.

fate has it between my ball and me.
yea. MY BALL. think whatever you wanna think 'cos i don't care. whatever it is, it's still my ball! and i'll be back with my precious ball tomorrow! yay! all thanks to my dearest crystal for speaking up. without her, i don't think i'll ever see my ball again.
and by the way, you may say that it's just a ball, but that ball has so many memories in it that can never be erased including heartbreaks and tragic so don't ever think that it's just a stupid ball 'cos IT'S NOT!
funny, sad, happy, weird, boring, EXTREMELY HUMOROUS, and love. it's all there. :)

cabbed to ica with corrie, crystal and lili. yep. and we only took around 15 minutes to finish everything. then bukit batok, the bus journey was damn long, but i didn't sleep. we went there, walked around, FOUND MY BALL, then yellow, lastly kfc. i cabbed home, they took the mrt. and the cab fare was so so expensive. argh! freaking $12!

oh, and this song's nice. i like it. :)
for me, for you.

We both know that I shouldn't be here,
This is wrong.
And baby, it's killin' me, it's killin' you,
Both of us trying to be strong.
I've got somewhere else to be,
Promises to keep,
Someone else who loves me,
And trusts me fast asleep.
I've made up my mind,
There is no turning back.
She's been good to me,
And she deserves better than that.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie,
To show no emotion when you start to cry.
I can't let you see what you mean to me,
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free,
We're not meant to be.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
To turn around and walk away, pretending I don't love you.
I know we'll meet again,
Fate has a place and time.
So you can get on with your life,
I've got to be cruel to be kind.
Like Dr. Zhivago,
All my love I'll be sending,
And you will never know,
'Cause there can be no happy ending.
Maybe another time, another day.
As much as I want to, I can't stay.

btw,
happy birthday's to
kenneth and jenkins
on the 7th

margareth
on the 9th
_____________

greetings!

happy birthday
to these people:
ap-01march2005
clement-02march2005
bonn (bro!)-03march2005

lihui and corrie
today!
princess too!
-her 18/debut-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CORRIE AND LILI
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TWO!

:)

life is BUT a dream.

you gotta be kidding me!

screwed.
i've already stopped crying, because i have already cried enough tears to reach the eiffel tower. but still, my heart weighs a hundred tons, and my mind wouldn't stop the flashbacks of how painful it used to be. isn't it such a mean thing to do? to give me such a big blow that i might be doing it again for the second time? that my everydays would be as cranky as before, suffering my whole life with another dreadful scar? could this be for real, or is this all a dream? because if this is really for real, and it is all happening right now, i have too many questions in my life unanswered including this: why is this happening to me?

and you're right. nothing's perfect.
i'm me.

fun-filled lala's.

yay! my birthday fun! um, well kind of. there were pissed off times, happy times, sweet times, funny times, angry times, and blahblah times. yep. everything was there already. hmm, we were planning to go downstairs to dip in the pool but too bad there was lightning. :( ahh then blahblah? i don't know. my lil brother kinda ruined my mood but it's all okay now 'cos it's already over. :) lala, all was okay. except for my pissed off part. everyone was sweet and all. i love 'em. :)

oh, and i really wanna say sorry to my lili and crystal. :( sorry if you guys were bored. :(
IWISHYOUWEREHERE..

yipee! and i forgot to say thanks to those people who actually remembered! :)
------

shopping yesterday with sissy, pam, fel and jill. ahh! we shopped until our feet were sore and our hands were all filled up with shopping bags! ahh! it was fun shopping ya know?! ahh! tried out a few dresses, blahblahblah. but i didn't buy 'em. just tried them on for fun. haha! but i bought quite a lot of stuffs like a handbag, blahblahblah. but NO SHOES! :( they already went shoe shopping a couple of days back and i didn't go along. :( ahh, never mind. :)

btw,
happy birthday
to the person with the same birthday as me.
jay! :)

ILLOGICAL?

someone, save me from this misery. take all my pain away. i will be eternally grateful to you, whoever you may be. i know misery is self-created but can i help it? NOPE!

pushing myself way past my limits. argh! i'm very tired mentally yet i don't see myself giving in any time soon. WHY WHY WHY? the STOP signs are plastered all over the place already, am i just too blind to see them or did i just choose to ignore the signals?

sigh. what a bad and sad birthday eve.