same old.

OMG! i will die if i just keep everything to myself.

the way our minds and hearts work is really complicating and beyond comprehension.
sometimes certain things are just so plain to see but we are blinded. by love, by dreams, by false hopes.

when feelings are involved, things are always easier said than done. although you may know what's good for you but getting down to actually doing what you know is good for you is difficult.

the number of sad people around is definitely more than the number of happy people around.
life is a bitch.

---

H
A
T
E

hatehateHATE.

DONT TALK TO ME OR ANYTHING
'COS I HATE YOU.

ILOVEYOU-
ME AND MY FRIENDS.
LEAVE US ALONE.


I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.
EVERYTHING'S SO COMPLICATED.

FRUSTRATING!

just READ ON.

FUCK.
i feel so shitty and damned.
FUCK.

yes FUCK.
i'm angry, i'm mad,
I'M PISSED!
just FUCK!
FUCKFUCKFUCK!

think of this and think of that.
i mean whatthefuck is goin on in there?!

okay.
here's a decent message for the most important people in my life:
i know i'm far away and stuff.but it doesn't mean that i'm not there.
I'M THERE! there in your hearts. and i will do everything just to keep US together
iloveyouGUYS.
you know that.

-sighs*

you me us
the other us
us us us,
blahblah.
complicationoftheworld
orRATHER,myLIFE!

oh and by the way,

um, by the way WHAT?
i don't know what i wanna say.

hmm, me and my brother are talking right now. haha! and i'm laughing like shit. he's kinda asking me silly questions, and it's so weird and funny. bwahaha! and we were looking at the tiffany and co page. ahh! jewelry! so freaking nice! ahh! i don't know. suddenly realised that i actually like jewelry. there's actually A GIRL IN ME! AHAHA! i first thought i'm half gay. WAHAHA! oh gosh, LAME!

hmm, nice layout huh? i didn't make it. haha! but for your info, don't ever ever steal those words at the side okay! THEY'RE MINE! NO ONE ELSE'S! MINE! MWAHAHA!

ahh, hmm. okay. i'm pissed with someone. JUST someone.
BYE!

my inner peace shit.

ahh. today.

we were bored, so we headed to the most comfortable place on earth, STARBUCKS.
spent our whole afternoon slacking there. daydreaming, chit-chatting, eating, drinking our infamous fraps and expresso's. was with my dearest sissy by the way. :)

as i sat at the sofa for hours and hours, my thought was:
today could be the most peaceful day of my life! my mind was completely blank. just me and myself. i wasn't even thinking of my friends or anyone special. i mean, it's weird but it's true! i spent my whole afternoon thinking of nothing but myself and everything that gets near me. memories weren't even part of it.

my coffee, my book and me.
plus the wall of complication- .
full of promises
ANTICIPATION
do i need you or do you need me?
i'm somewhat lost.
curling, swirling.
reaching, taking.
we have come full circles.
a swallow/ a sip/ another cup
YESorNO?
coffee around the world
FEELtheWIND!
thumpaTHUMPA

my life wouldn't be as complicated as this.
much more.

realityHIT.;black&white/GRAY.

excruciating pain
clutching on my back.
i walk, and i stumble.
I FALL.

no one to pull,
no one to lean,
no one to touch,
no one to feel.

black now white
white now black
gray areas
spattered with blood
it's not as innocent as it seems
ALONE-
just me and the breeze.
just YOU and ME.
*DREAM.

it's a sad SAD situation.

POOF! gone.
all down the drain like it never happened.
memories in it, forever will stay.
forever remembered,
never to be forgotten.
NOT EVER!

yesterday was super bad. i had mood swings out of nowhere.but then of course, my sweethearts and my 3 mummies made it better. and of course, not forgetting our very good friend xue zhi too! :)

yea, after school we took heavy stuffs to lili's house. cabbed with xue zhi and lili to holland. yep. we planned to meet somewhere at bk to eat at nydc. yea. but when we finally got there we were kinda picky, or rather I was kinda picky. at first it was starbucks, then coffee bean. i saw sush tei and i really wanna go in! then i saw AL DENTE and i was really tempted, but FORGET IT. ahh! HAAGEN DAZS! it's all so tempting! but i knew that xue zhi wanted to eat at coffee bean, so we KINDA settled in there. but oh my gosh! who knew that THAT stupid xue zhi said DELIFRANCE! my knees felt weak so of course, we went one round back to where we started just to eat there.

the queue was long, the manager's shitty and then we ate. first was very serious talk. but we didn't wanna ruin our lunch just because of a someone so we changed the topic to songs, to corn and then to capture the infamous ME eating a big lump of corn. eww! mamma mia, by the way. hah! OH! ALMOST FORGOT! THANKS SO MUCH, XUE ZHI, FOR TREATING US! :) LET US FIND SOME TIME TO TREAT YOU BACK OKAY? :)

yep, waited until 3.30 for the stupid speech. and it was so so boring! ahh! and my results were shitty, PLAIN SHITTY. i passed 3 and failed 3. accounts and ss F9, and science 48! ahh well, at least i improved a lil for my science.

crystal lili and i went down to bukit batok for the sim and the ball. lili's got her sim, while i've got my NOTHING. and i'm overly depressed. there wasn't fate AT ALL. it's GONE.

death_
i'm not gonna leave.
NEVER.

boliao la.

BWAHAHA!
hello!
i'm in the com lab now. hehe..only me, tricia and crystal's group. meaning that corrie, shirley, delphine, chermaine and lili still in class. BWAHAHA! hehe..
they're suffering there while we're enjoying air-con! BWAHAHA! but still quite hot la. haha..

haix. so boring. :( crystal just sneezed. and she's so pissed with the stupid com. and she's banging the mouse now. wahaha! and and, tricia and crystal peeped at what i am writing. ahh! and crystal banged the mouse again. poor mouse. haha!

i'll come back later la. maybe. hehe, if i've got the time. 'cos i'm gonna go get back my ball. argh! have to bring home the stupid lightbox! ahh! die!

yay! the other group is coming up le. yay! haix. but can't sit with them. :(

blog later. bye!

fate and love;memories.

fate has it between my ball and me.
yea. MY BALL. think whatever you wanna think 'cos i don't care. whatever it is, it's still my ball! and i'll be back with my precious ball tomorrow! yay! all thanks to my dearest crystal for speaking up. without her, i don't think i'll ever see my ball again.
and by the way, you may say that it's just a ball, but that ball has so many memories in it that can never be erased including heartbreaks and tragic so don't ever think that it's just a stupid ball 'cos IT'S NOT!
funny, sad, happy, weird, boring, EXTREMELY HUMOROUS, and love. it's all there. :)

cabbed to ica with corrie, crystal and lili. yep. and we only took around 15 minutes to finish everything. then bukit batok, the bus journey was damn long, but i didn't sleep. we went there, walked around, FOUND MY BALL, then yellow, lastly kfc. i cabbed home, they took the mrt. and the cab fare was so so expensive. argh! freaking $12!

oh, and this song's nice. i like it. :)
for me, for you.

We both know that I shouldn't be here,
This is wrong.
And baby, it's killin' me, it's killin' you,
Both of us trying to be strong.
I've got somewhere else to be,
Promises to keep,
Someone else who loves me,
And trusts me fast asleep.
I've made up my mind,
There is no turning back.
She's been good to me,
And she deserves better than that.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie,
To show no emotion when you start to cry.
I can't let you see what you mean to me,
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free,
We're not meant to be.
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do,
To turn around and walk away, pretending I don't love you.
I know we'll meet again,
Fate has a place and time.
So you can get on with your life,
I've got to be cruel to be kind.
Like Dr. Zhivago,
All my love I'll be sending,
And you will never know,
'Cause there can be no happy ending.
Maybe another time, another day.
As much as I want to, I can't stay.

btw,
happy birthday's to
kenneth and jenkins
on the 7th

margareth
on the 9th
_____________

greetings!

happy birthday
to these people:
ap-01march2005
clement-02march2005
bonn (bro!)-03march2005

lihui and corrie
today!
princess too!
-her 18/debut-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CORRIE AND LILI
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TWO!

:)

life is BUT a dream.

you gotta be kidding me!

screwed.
i've already stopped crying, because i have already cried enough tears to reach the eiffel tower. but still, my heart weighs a hundred tons, and my mind wouldn't stop the flashbacks of how painful it used to be. isn't it such a mean thing to do? to give me such a big blow that i might be doing it again for the second time? that my everydays would be as cranky as before, suffering my whole life with another dreadful scar? could this be for real, or is this all a dream? because if this is really for real, and it is all happening right now, i have too many questions in my life unanswered including this: why is this happening to me?

and you're right. nothing's perfect.
i'm me.

fun-filled lala's.

yay! my birthday fun! um, well kind of. there were pissed off times, happy times, sweet times, funny times, angry times, and blahblah times. yep. everything was there already. hmm, we were planning to go downstairs to dip in the pool but too bad there was lightning. :( ahh then blahblah? i don't know. my lil brother kinda ruined my mood but it's all okay now 'cos it's already over. :) lala, all was okay. except for my pissed off part. everyone was sweet and all. i love 'em. :)

oh, and i really wanna say sorry to my lili and crystal. :( sorry if you guys were bored. :(
IWISHYOUWEREHERE..

yipee! and i forgot to say thanks to those people who actually remembered! :)
------

shopping yesterday with sissy, pam, fel and jill. ahh! we shopped until our feet were sore and our hands were all filled up with shopping bags! ahh! it was fun shopping ya know?! ahh! tried out a few dresses, blahblahblah. but i didn't buy 'em. just tried them on for fun. haha! but i bought quite a lot of stuffs like a handbag, blahblahblah. but NO SHOES! :( they already went shoe shopping a couple of days back and i didn't go along. :( ahh, never mind. :)

btw,
happy birthday
to the person with the same birthday as me.
jay! :)

ILLOGICAL?

someone, save me from this misery. take all my pain away. i will be eternally grateful to you, whoever you may be. i know misery is self-created but can i help it? NOPE!

pushing myself way past my limits. argh! i'm very tired mentally yet i don't see myself giving in any time soon. WHY WHY WHY? the STOP signs are plastered all over the place already, am i just too blind to see them or did i just choose to ignore the signals?

sigh. what a bad and sad birthday eve.

inspiration-

Love knows no reasons..
Love knows no lies..
Love defies all reasons..
Love has no eyes..

But love is not blind..
Love sees but doesn't mind..
Think about it..
there must be higher love..
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above..

Without it..
life is a wasted time..
Look inside your heart..
I'll look inside mine

-ripped from cheryl's.
inspired by cheryl. :)

although this is stolen, i was inspired by what i saw. :)

nothing in this world.

i can be an emotional freak sometimes, and i hate myself for that. paranoia loves me too damn much, it sticks to me like bees do to honey. it causes me to think too much and unnecessarily, but i can't stop the mind from wandering at all.

A man without scars
Is an unwritten book.

Do you have any scars?

and yes, even the girl who laughs in circle till her stomach aches and eyes tear can feel and she knows when something is amiss.

yesterday is not another today.

valentines!
14february2005
yesterday was okay. i was in a good mood, almost everyone is in a good mood. i got a lil freaked out on those who made my day (and others, or rather someone) terrible. and okay, love is in the air. of course it was. saw edwin and pei yi, winnie and another guy, beng loong and another girl. yea.

15february2005
today is a freaking FUCK day. yes, FUCK. my day was started facing mrs yeo and the others who skipped remedial yesterday, and who knew that bad luck was right ahead of me. i quarelled with miss chin for being so "unreasonable". okay, so i am being scolded because i said a few words to cheryl and corrie during silent reading? i mean, what the fuck? corrie was just telling me something before she goes home and cheryl was also telling me something! and another thing: teachers are so freaking idiotic! they catch us for our little mistakes like keeping long fingernails, tucking out shirts, wearing ankle socks and having not-so-obvious streaks of brown hair! ahh! it isn't as if they were some striking colors like pink or orange? and so what if our shirts come out in the middle of the day? what will happen to them?? will they die before us because our shirts are tucked out and they can't see our school name on our socks?? grr! oh! and i suppose they'll be killed by our long fingernails! argh! i hate school rules! i hate those mean old teachers! i hate her! i hate them! i hate everyone!
we have to freaking serve detention for one hour! grr! like what crystal always say, "waste our time!".

i don't get it.
every corner of my eye, there was you.
i wasn't even sure if i wanted to see what i always see.
it's weird, totally.

yay! i'm finished with all my talking! hmm, i think i'll just go now 'cos it's 1 am, and it's a school day, and i'm still angry with her, and i just wanna be alone with my damn potatoes and eat 'em. delphine, ya want? hah! ;)

yo, hey bro!
happy birthday
to you!
miss you much. :)

love makes the world go round.

ok. i have got to smile the moment i heard their voices. everything is doing great now. no more misunderstanding shits already. and their love is all going strong. some has the motto 'everyday, habit is war', like my dearest princess and karl. some makes the love stronger by just being in the relationship, doing everything they can just to live everyday together, like my sweetheart abi and her alvin. i/we don't really like that guy but we can't do anything with that. it's called LOVE.

couples-to-be like aiko+phillip;megs+MM (aka moses), all's going well. except that sometimes there can be fights and misuderstandings. now that's what i call NORMAL.

and when sometimes, you think that misuderstandings can never be looked at another view, miracles may happen, and that is what friendship is all about.

miracles are everywhere, you just don't know where and when they'll come.

love is what keeps friendships going on, and stronger. as long as there's love, and as long as there's a friend's love, everything will go on fine. like my honey pies megs, aiko, sheena and phillip. you may look tough, you may act tough, but your heart will never ever be tough. and as i said, tears are more powerful than words, because that is what keeps our friendship going strong. no words, just thoughts and feelings for each other. :)

i'm miles away from them, but i am so, so glad that we're still strong, and that i can still get them to stick together like glue.

blood is thicker than water.
we assure each other of that.
because we are brothers and sisters by heart.

hearts in between:
because ILOVE 'EM!
ILOVETHEM ALL!
sheens stan
megs m&m
aiko phillip
abi alvin
karl princess
mhir (?) kirk :)
ben.nikki.ais.jane.

happy birthday
megs!* :)
iloveyou meggie!

it matters.

i just realised that:
tears are more powerful than words.
words, if expressed correctly, can be as powerful as tears.

and i wonder-
if people like me could not express words correctly, neither can i fill my eyes with tears of joy or sorrow, how far can i go?

when you take the expressway to one person's heart, did you really make it inside, or are you just trying to fit yourself in?
and what if you took the wrong train? how far can you go on making mistakes? how would you make it back there if you don't know how to?
when will you know if you're mistaken, and when will you know if it's the end of everything?
will mistakes that goes so far ever be forgotten by time or by everyone? or by yo and me?

life, as a secondary school student would always say, sucks.

here i am.

there i was: walking into my past again. as i look at my huge mistake, i thought- what am i doing peeping through a little hole doing some underground business. maybe i'm like those people who hide under a tree doing some secret stuffs nobody knows. but hello? i guess some people know what i'm talking about but i don't care anymore. it's all a living past, and i suppose no one could ever help, not even ourselves.

i updated this morning at the com lab. oh yea, we were kinda having fun. and as i said,
tan lili is a big lazy pig!
bwahaha!

okay, his birthday. we spent some time at orchard that day. ahh, and it's like, orchard?? again??. !! i mean, helloo! singapore, such a small country! where else can we go?? we are town people you know! anyhow, we drank starbucks, walked under the sun. hmm, maybe he enjoyed it but i didn't okay! i was sweating profusely with my gorgeous skirt and black shirt! and such an idiot i could be, BLACK SHIRT?? my gosh! i didn't even consider looking out my window before picking out an outfit!

yea, so after starbucks was cd hunting at hmv, and then we ate our long, juicy HOTDOGS. yea, hotdogs. and they are really juicy! tasty-licious!

town was too boring so i brought him to my home, where we hung out for hours and hours. mum bought an oreo cake for him and it's not really a big surprise 'cos i think he already knew about it. but everything went fine.

so we ate our cake, then blahblahblah, talked talked, with my sister, then blahblahblah, then he went home. yea, around 10 something. there was school the next day.

monday monday. what the hell happened that monday? i can't really remember! all i remembered was that after school, we stayed in class, talking about sex stuffs, virginity, blahblahblah, while doing our art! it was all so fun, and we found out many different talents and experties from people like xue zhi, crystal, and.. ME! mwahaha!

after everything corrie, crystal, shirley and i went with chermaine to town for clothes. oh yeahh, and delphine was sick, so yea. she didn't come. then blahblah. not everyone was in a good mood 'cos some are sick like my dearest shirley. hah! ;) and oh! i finally remembered what happened. :)

the next day was half-day, so obviously more people didn't come to school. (shirley, crystal, delphine). we kinda went shopping for clothes that day, to bugis. chermaine, trish and corrie bought stuffs but i didn't! wanna know why?? IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF A STUPID PAIR OF PANTS I WANT! I KNOW WHAT EXACTLY I WANT BUT I COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE! AND I WAS SO PISSED OFF BECAUSE I TRIED OUT COUNTLESS OF JEANS AND NONE OF THEM SEEMS TO PLEASE ME! there! i vent out my anger already. ahh, still pissed. i need a pair of pants!

no school meant rotting for me, so for the past two days, all i did was sleep eat stone sleep watch sex&thecity sleep eat while watching sex&thecity stone watch sex&thecity again watch other shows sleep.
and PS, I WASN'T HORNY. NEITHER AM I A HORNY PERSON.

bahh! i was forced to go to school today! my eyes wouldn't close this morning! and i don't wanna talk about today! i had an okay day actually, i just don't wanna type out what happened.

BYEE!!

happy birthday
yuni

and when the black and white's gone,
everything went gray.
and that's my world,
as gray as can be.

belated happy chinese new year
to everyone! :)