never thought that.

i walk alone to the train station, thinking & reminiscing everything we used to have. happy thoughts, though happy, it hurts. 'cos i know it can't ever happen again. the pain too real, so i used heavy rock & soothing tunes to block you out. but my many attempts of taking a breather has failed once again. my entire playlist, word per word, reminds me of you. from a to z, even songs that doesn't have anything to do with us makes me sad. it's like somehow you feel that the writers of every sad song you listen to had you in mind when they wrote that record.
so what to do?

i've always thought of myself as a person who would put her friends first before a guy, because guys are always just guys. but after every pain i gave & felt, i slowly realised that i can't be that girl anymore. that sometimes what your heart beats for is stronger. that even though you love them, something inside you still has to put him first 'cos he's your number one. yeah, even if he doesn't know that. i hate being that kinda girl but some things just can't be helped. & so this is why i put this as my laptop wallpaper..

to remind me of my friends even when i have you in my mind.

i always needed time on my own.
i never thought i'd need you there when i cry.

off to the gym for some exercising!
i hope the perspiration & the running helps ease the pain..