i'm trying to put on a brave front. to smile and joke and laugh and be funny in front of others, and pretend everything is okay. but i am so NOT okay, really. i feel so lost, so exhausted mentally and emotionally. balancing my loss, my relationship and my best friends isn't as easy. it feels like i'm trapped in a box stabbed with daggers. i couldn't breathe.
i'm losing you, bit by bit. day by day, you seem to be distancing yourself from me. i couldn't feel you anymore, i have lost the ability to feel your presence.
i feel so angry, so lost, so afraid, so hopeful and at the same time, hopeless too. and because i don't know if this will ever have an ending, i feel so crushed. noone else is to blame except for myself.
i feel so stupid for making so many mistakes and still not learning from them. i feel so dumb, i'm such an IDIOT.
ignorance is bliss.
but i can't always be left in the dark. i don't want to. i want to know everything. i want to face reality but not accept it(?!). what is wrong with me?!
i've so many hopes, but will they ever be achieved? and when your hopes crash, you'll feel more misery. so why bother to hope?
if you hope, you'll expect. if you expect, you'll be hurt.
why bother why bother?
hope is the first step on the path towards disappointment.
hope- you build them up, only to be destroyed over and over again.
