what is love to you anyway?
merely a four letter acronym?

what is love to you?
tell me.

i wish i were good enough for you.
oh but doesn't every other little girl?

i love you,

khL

it'll be alright. :)

though i don't really know what i'm going to do when i get there,
take a breath and hold on tight.
spin around one more time,
and gracefully fall back to the arms of grace.

'cos im hanging on every word you say,
&even if you don't want to speak tonight,
that's alright.
alright with me.
'cos i want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door &listen to you breathing.
that's where i wanna be..


cheer up, darling.
everything's gonna be alright.
baby, it'll be alright..

remember me this way..

every now and then
we find a special friend
who never lets us down.
who understands it all,
reaches out each time you fall.
you're the best friend that i've found..

i'll make a wish for you,
and hope it will come true.
that life will just be kind
to such a gentle mind.
and if you're losing your way,
think back on yesterday,
remember me this way.
remember me this way..

i don't need eyes to see
the love you bring to me,
no matter where i go.
and i know that you'll be there,
forevermore, a part of me,
you're everywhere.

i'll always care

and i'll be right behind your shoulder, watching you.
i'll be standing by your side in all you do.
and i won't ever leave,
as long as you believe.
you just believe..



i know you can't stay,
but part of you will never, ever go away.
your heart will stay..

hey little baby, little lover boy,
get in my arms, give me some joy.
i wanna hold you tonight,
it'll be alright.
'cause the night is long and i hunt for you.
in this darkest hour, where have you gone to?
won't you come to my side?
i need you tonight..

well in case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see,
this is my heart bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees.



these foolish games are tearing me apart.
your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.
you're breaking my heart..

heavy heart.
real heavy.

i'm trapped in a box and i can't breathe.

i believe that i swore not to write, ever again, about that particular thing.
i just don't know why it came back to me all of a sudden.

i had a nightmare last night.
i was in the toilet doing my business, and then suddenly there was blood all over my gums. my chin started forming a hole and then i called out loud for help to anyone who could hear me but no one was there.
it was the most horrible nightmare i've ever had since i think a decade ago.

a decade ago, HISTORY.
i can't believe the past is coming back at me. the whole 10 years, back!
i don't know whether i should be happy or sad. joyous or maybe just extremely bad memories, it's just the past. nothing more. at least, if i could put it that way.

whatever it is, i'll try not to care anymore.
i'm going out with lila later to watch she's the man. :)

because i feared what i did not know but have wanted to know-

I have come far enough
from where I was not before,
to have seen the things
looking in at me from through the open door

and have walked tonight
by myself,
to see the moonlight
and see it as trees

and shapes more fearful,
because I feared
what I did not know
but have wanted to know.

My face is my own, I thought.
But you have seen it
turn into a thousand years.
I watched you cry.

I could not touch you.
I wanted very much to
touch you
but could not.

If it is dark
when this is given to you,
have care for its content
when the moon shines.

My face is my own.
My hands are my own.
My mouth is my own
but I am not.

Moon, moon,
when you leave me alone
all the darkness is
an utter blackness,

a pit of fear,
a stench,
hands unreasonable
never to touch.

But I love you.
Do you love me.
What to say
when you see me.

-Robert Creeley

:)

wow. to think that it's already been 6months.
so there's just you & me. buffet @ sakae, thrill @ the nun.
yes my love. six months full of hardships with a mixture of sweet love.

SIX MONTHS!
and you're still the one.
<3
time flies right? don't you think so?

complex mind

the hundred year old thing that no one has ever thought of going back to. it just wouldn't go. and i thought it left already but sometimes i can't help but remember how it pinches my heart.

and the thing is, i don't know what could make me feel better.
& you know something funny? i know that pain is the one that reminds us of how far we've gone.
but why is this pain so unbearable?

i watched me fade in your mind,
like fireflies in the morning horizon,
subtle & sleek.

days when i knew you existed .
yet you watched me,
fade like fireflies in the night sky,
constant & endless.

soon denying your existance,
i ran. & then
i said with a smile so faint,
goodbye..

just get out.

Sometimes I wonder why people spend their lives missing things, or people.

i was given a new nickname just a few minutes ago.
wanna know what it is?

it's..
U
F
O

hahaha!

you wanna know why i'm laughing my ass off??

'cos UFO is short for UNKNOWN FATTY OBJECT!
wahaha!

so lame.. but cute too!
guess who made this nickname for me..
hahaha!

the past is such and isn't really worth going back to.
moving foward is what's important, it's the only thing that exists.

life is really nice, actually. you know the phrase "some people makes the world special just by being in it." you wouldn't believe that this is not only for hanlin, who everyone thinks is my life. it's actually for everyone who i care most about, those who hold their hearts close to mine.

you know who you are. let's just stop all these conflicts and move on..

SOS

i can't help it.
it's haunting me again.
it's coming back-
the nightmares/

hanlin save me..
ineedyouNOW.
idon'twannaGOBACKTHERE..

i wanna announce to the whole world that:
1. shirley gan is the cutest person in the whole wide world.
2. shirley gan is the best!
3. shirley gan is a cute and definitely the best lobster in the whole world!

i love shirley gan aka lobster!
mwah!

greatgreat love. <3

the greatest achievement i've ever had in my whole life: i did my experiment all by myself! with some help by master skinny during the start, of course. but i did it! ahh! i did it! congratulate me anyone?? congratulate me! it's more of an order than a request. hahaha!

hmm, just wanna say,
i love my stupid sotong/ skinny/ siao kia/ honeybunny to bits! :)

ohoh! and i did something really very bad today. while walking pass the market, there was this lil kid who was running to her mummy or whoever, and i was looking at the sky instead of the ground so the kid didn't turn on her brakes, bumped onto my chicken legs and then dropped on the floor! ahhh! it's like the the dumbest thing i've ever done for the week! oh that poor girl. SORRY! :(

there's nothing i can do. i just can't help loving you.. :)

artstravaganza rehearsal on thursday. watched it and i all i can say is IT IS NOT GOOD. stayed there till 6 and then off to clementi for dinner with my genniex. saw cheryl waiting for yy outside the salon. ate at kfc &stayed there till like 7 plus and then went home. tiring day! oh, and we hung around corrie's place for awhile while waiting for the time to pass. :)

and the day has arrived. ARTSTRAVAGANZA.
damn it. it was okay at first. everyone was cool. and then the people satrted to go in and some very irritating and fucked-up people came, which ruined my entire fucking day. yeah, they're like the shit outta my ass. FUCK THEM. well aside from that everything turned out to be great in the concert. very very united. and the actual thing is so so different from the rehearsal! a TOTAL TRANSFORMATION! (though there are some people who really shouldn't be in there performing 'cos they look so EWWW)

shit. i'm really really confused! FRUSTRATED!
i just don't get it. i mean, i'm not a bad person. why does this have to happen to me. i read something and then everything in myself changes especially my mood. damn it. i just don't know why i had to get jealous and angry over some things i read over the internet. you know that kind of feeling that without me in their life, everything is entirely perfect. it sucks. :(

grrr. i'm so pissed! STILL! about EVERYTHING!
I HATE MY PERIOD!

i want to drink and drink until i get drunk!

tragic loss..

on the 31st of May 2006, we made a tragic loss.

our old life, Ghim Moh McDonald's is now closing for obvious reasons.
reason number 1 being: the gmss batch 2003 & 2004 (which are the people that brought excitement to the whole gm) had already graduated.
reason number 2 being: the first few batches after those 2 did hang out there but not as much.
reason number 3 being: the batch after mine didn't really do much on saving our beloved. lastly which is
reason number 4: we used to hang out there ALL THE TIME during our sec 2 after playing volleyball at the cc or anywhere else. but as you know, not all good things lasts, and that is the truth. :( apparently, no one really cried, weeped or bawled over our loss. i could say it was shock that was our first reaction, not sadness. :( and by the way, not the 7 of us were there to send off our Mcdonald's. how sad, right? :(



nothing else to blog, really.
farewell everyone.
farewell, beloved mac mac. :(

hello citizens of the world! i am now at corrie's house, blogging! (obviously) anyway, it's just shirley, delphine, corrie and i here. i don't know what we're doing. phiney's painting ley's nails BLACK, and ley's practically slacking, enjoying ALL THE LUXURY she can get. HAHAHA. and she said "wo hao xiang da xiao jie". WAHAHA! and and, corrie's all HARDWORKING. FLIPPING her bio notes. haha, but not studying. =D

argh! i don't know how i feel anymore.

i find peace when i'm confused.
i find hope when i'm let down.
not in me.
in you.
it's in YOU.

nothing! =D

school's out. well, that's for everyone else except for us sec 4's.
i shall now call next week HELL WEEK! we have to wake up at the usual school time from next tuesday til' 6th of june! :(

i'm officially a bookworm from today onwards. believe it or not. hahaha! :)

ANGRY POST!!

so what if i cared so much? it's not as if it's your problem. just because you used your bloody ink to DOODLE on my paper doesn't give you the right to take it. i mean, man you still have the cheek to take my work! i already provided the paper, i still have to provide you the PEN FOR YOU TO INK MY BLOODY ART PIECE? well fuck you bitch. if all you wanna do is brag about that piece of shit with me, then why do it for us in the first place? is it really you being HELPFUL or is it just because you wouldn't wanna lose your FUCKING REPUTATION? i mean, god! everybody in the room knows about how much you LOVE YOUR FACE. and also, how big a fan you are to FAVORITISM!

yes, who could deny the fact that you're the only art teacher in the school and that you're FANTASTIC? fantastic in a sense that you could draw straight lines with your stable hand. bitch, you win me at that 'cos i'm obviously not even half as good as you are. but hello, bitch? can't you see how you're being such a mother-fucker infront of everyone in the room? especially everytime you threaten us with MRS. YEO? and of course not to forget mentioning how you LOVE to boast on HOW MUCH YOU'VE 'HELPED' US. and because of that you can just simply ask for my art back? well TAKE IT IF YOU WANT BITCH. EAT IT IF YOU WANT SINCE YOU ALREADY SHOWED US HOW MUCH YOU HUNGER FOR YOUR GOOD SKILL IN DRAWING.

with you threatening us with something so stupid is one thing, but what about YOU QUESTIONING MY SENSITIVITY OVER SOMETHING THAT YOU SAY IS NOT CONCERNING ME?! HUH?! just because my name is not in his' still gives me the right to get angry. well anyway, this shows your personality. it shows how selfish you are, that you would not help anyone even your friends in any fucking situation. all you care about is yourself. and you can never EVER prove me wrong because the words "WHY ARE YOU SO SENSITIVE? THIS IS NOT EVEN YOUR WORK!" came out of your stupid mouth.

so what if you drew lines all over our paper? so what if you chose the colors? the fact is, it's not you who colored it. it's not you who did all that work! it's actually me! i finished that! indeed you are our teacher. but are you actually telling me that because the maths teacher taught us 1+1=2, the A1's that we get for maths are actually HER'S? no man, NO. use your pea-brain, fucker. put this in your mind: you have talent in art, but that doesn't make you the best!

oh i know what your next step is. it's either call my mum, or COMPLAIN to your mother about my rude behavior and then ask her to call me down from lesson tomorrow. hahaha, so PREDICTABLE.

oh, one last thing. next time just shut the fuck up okay. 'cos everyone couldn't concentrate with you nagging and nagging and repeating everything everytime we have art lesson, as if you have a sort of speech made especially for your art students. let me tell you something. you may not have gray hair, flabby arms or saggy boobs, but you're actually WORSE than my grandmother! and you know what makes it worse? even with my earphones on with the max volume, i could still hear your speech. so just stop complaining about how slow we are with our work because you're the cause of it!