the moment.

making new friends, in a new environment with everything around you new, tendency of moving forward to what the future may bring gives you the excitement. & then you slowly forget what it used to be like a few months back. a few months back sounds so long, when in fact when you're the one who's looking back, you think it was just a blink of an eye. how the first date went by, how soft & tender his lips felt the first time yours touched his, how you can see yourself swimming in his eyes even when you're a distance away from him, how everything around us seemed beauiful when you're around.

but let's face it, a few months back is still time passed. & there's no way we can get back to those sad-but-you-still-make-me-the-happiest days of my life. we make mistakes, we move on. but sometimes moving on is easier said than done. you try to look ahead, make new friends, meet new people which we can simply put as "trying to find a replacement in your heart just to ease the pain." you find all the trouble in doing everything you could to feel better when you realise that what's wandering around is not you but your cold & lifeless soul.

pictures, only still moments of you & me captured by a click. the smile & embrace. the warmth it gives even with just a glance of it. hard copies can be burned down, turned into ashes. but memories etched in your mind, can never be erased by a thing called the delete button.

you may not be the one i think of all the time but i think about you every moment, wherever i go- whether i'm staring in the midst of the air at home, during boring sleepy lectures, the loud & laugh-infected classroom, a noise polluted canteen, wandering my way through the crowded mall or simply waiting for the next train to arrive, you're there. though you're not physically around, i carry you in my heart, always, all the time.

freaky friday, 'cos lectures today are freakishly long. but was released early after doing our lab work. i didn't do a single thing though, was down there playing with the wires. but still learned in the end 'cos bernard taught pris & i. :)

ugh! have yet to upload the pictures from last week's cafe del mar's & k session!

i may not always love you,
but long as there are stars above you.
you never need to doubt it,
i'll make you so sure about it.
god only knows what i'd be without you..

heavy showers in the morning. hands froze till noon.
ended school early & headed to the library to study a lil, & then proceeded to the multimedia room to watch robots with most of my classmates. dozed off a lil, 'cos i watched it before! some of them left after the movie, & then slacked inside till evening. i slept, even though the chairs were quite hard. LOL!

miss you like fcuk!

yeah very vulgar, i know. i've been very vulgar & rough these few days. but i don't care, i dont care, i dont care!! 'cos i really fucking miss you.
miss you like fuck fuck fuck!
you're the only one that truly makes me happy. as in really, really smile like mister darlie. maybe i can smile even wider than him when we talk or chat or text!
FUCKING MISS YOU.

all you need, is one.

i am thinking of you in my sleepless solitude tonight. if it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right.'cos i'm drowned in you & i won't pull through without you by my side..

at this moment, there are 6,492,835,671 people in the world.
some are running scared. some are coming home.
some tell lies to make it through the day.
while others are just now facing the truth.
some are evil men at war with good.
& some are good, struggling with evil.
6 billion people in the world.
6 billion souls.
& sometimes, all you need is one.

delightful!!

kayaking training today! tough but exciting & fun!
having you to talk to about my day, makes my day! :)

here i go!!
it's really good to hear your voice,
say my name it sounds so sweet!
coming from the lips of an angel,
hearing you makes me weak.. :):):)

baby can you feel me, imagining i'm looking in your eyes?
i can see you clearly, vividly emblazoned in my mind.
& that you're so far, like a distant star i'm wishing on tonight..

youyouyou! :(

please come back home.

school ended early! yay! spent our break munching away with almost the whole class. felt weird being surrounded by guys. but it was fun & hilarious! :) cca fair's last day today so priscilla & i went there with the guys to check out the booths one last time. i signed in on lotsa cca's! see which one i'm really interested in after the first day. =D lunch with priscilla, ahgua & sister, & then off to buy my laptop.

met cor & cry at far east plaza for a lil shopping. ljs, i slacked while they were editing their powerpoint slides. walked to isetan & i finally bought a shirt i've been eye-ing for weeks! :):):)
home soon after that.

tomorrow is gonna be a loooooonnnnnggggg day! :(
school's till 6 freaking pm! :(:(:(
-----------------------

where'd you go?
i miss you so.
seems like it's been forever,
that you've been gone..


imissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou
imissyouimissyouimissyou
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NYpoly life.

3rd day alone, not having any of my closed ones by my side.
it's not so bad. lessons were boring. spent the whole time during maths scribbling on my notebook while listening to the teacher. & you know what happens when i try to multi-task. it never seemed to ever work!

was doing my work & finally willing to learn physics. but oh my! i couldn't get the right answer for 2/3 of the questions given! & you know how easily frustrated i get. >:(
during computer & programming i wasn't really listening. instead, i went to log into msn & i started chatting with people while pretending to look at the board. =D

after school priscilla & i hung out with the guys for the first time. we went to buy books together, & then walked over to the sports complex to take a look at the cca booths. after which we sat down to quench our thirst & laugh our asses out. oh & king leong, priscilla's friend came to sit with us too. a new found friend! :)

went separate ways but anjing the ahgua & his 'sister' kt found their way to us while we were waiting for the train. ahgua accompanied us to wait for the train & then he waved goodbye to us. while in the train, priscilla asked kt & i to join them for pool so we went to amk's kpool to play 'til 7plus. kt went to meet his friends while the three of us headed to mos burger to crap.

oh & i forgot to say. even though i'm alone everyday in central singapore & you guys are at the other end of this tiny little dot you find in the map, we still are there for each other. yeah i know we'll be busier weeks or months later. but i know we'll be.. FRIENDS FOREVER! :)
-----------------------

you know, when everything around you is new, you tend to put aside the old & then look forward to what's ahead. yeah i can do that, i think.
i can't control what's going on in my brain; you you YOU.
it's like when i see a guy during long breaks & after school, who is 168cm with slghtly curly hair & has a stick figure, pulling up his baggy pants, it makes me think that it is you. & then no matter how much i know that it's impossible, i still hope hard that it's you. but it isn't, & i know you've moved on. i thought that i did too until i realised that i haven't..

yeah school's fun. but not having you to tell stories to about how life in my new school is, about cca fairs & boring physics lectures, about stupid ridiculous teachers & funny classmates, the excitement just fades away.. :(

exhaustion.

oh, so exhausted.

putting aside my being able to cope in school, make new friends & everything else,
other things just can't be put back together again.
just like this heart of mine.
can break it over, can't mend it further.

it was like an explosion.
i reached home, suddenly feeling so incomplete & full of misery.
& then i realised, i can barely hold on..

& it's strange that things change,
but not me wanting you so desperately.

hang on..

newtown vs chung cheng @ clementi sports hall again.
victory to newtown. they got in top 4, nationals!
congratulations guys!

pool-ed with corrie for an hour plus. then decided on walking back to ghim moh from bukit timah. rain poured halfway while walking back. !@#$%
a bad bad day 'cos of the rain, & everything else..
-----------------------

another day is going by,
& i'm thinking about you all the time.
but you're out there & i'm here, waiting..

"everybody hurts in this life.
everybody cries &

everybody hurts sometimes.
so hang on, jvia.
hang on.."

as human beings, we all try to do the best we can. but the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. & just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts & knocks you off your feet. if you’re lucky, you’ll end up with nothing more than a flesh wound, something a band-aid will cover. but some wounds are deeper than they first appear & require more than just a quick fix. with some wounds, you have to rip off the band-aid, let them breathe, and give them time to heal.

i love you, but i chose darkness.. :(

peek out!

started my afternoon yesterday watching newtown vs sengkang with huifen & corrie @ clementi sports hall. have not watched a basketball match for almost 5 years already!
can't really remember much details bout the game. all i can remember is that the newtowner's weren't really on form. i believe that they can play better. just their luck i think, so they lost by a point. but, they did their best.

met chermaine after the match. ate first before going for pool. went to queenstown but it was too warm inside 'cos they haven't fixed their air-con! i seriously think they need to fix it soon. if not, they will lose many many customers.
changed pooling location. bus-ed down to bukit timah & played 'til we felt bored. they ate macs! :)

today i had a very early day, ruined by my bad luck.
went down to nyp for orientation. being alone in a school full of strangers was already a bad thing. not finding your name in the list is another! i had to go up & down the school just to settle my enrollment. & the thing is, it wasn't even my fault at all because the computer system screwed up! & oh so lucky me. i got picked in the "ruin that person's day by not showing her data anywhere in the system".

oh but it wasn't as bad as it i thought it was. turned out to belotsa fun! met new friends. only problem is that they are all year 2's & 3's 'cos i still didn't know what class i am in. stayed with them until 1pm. finally got my class! :) had to listen to our PEM talk in a very small room ( & fyi, he talks in a really boring manner. he's nice though) =] left a lil while later to meet up with corrie & huifen again for another exciting match. :)

newtown was vs unity. throughout the game, newtown was leading. i hate to admit it, but i'm proud of them! :) the only unpleasant thing that happened was that darren fell down again. ('cos he fell down yesterday too & he was in great pain for awhile). he got crushed by this stupid gigantic unity player!
oh, & dom fell while doing his rebound thingy. tsktsk, sprained his ankle a lil. poor dom, had to be carried from one corner of the court to another. but i think he's fine already. :)
so obviously they won the game by almost 20points. hooray to them!

had dinner at kfc with those two, & then headed down to beauty world for pool with maine & cry. only without hf though, 'cos she still has school the next day. :(
played 'til around 11pm, then they ate macs again! lol! chermaine is seriously sick & tired of mcdonald's. LOL!
-----------------------

you know when you unexpectedly decide to take a bus that goes a longer way without any good reason? well i believe that everything happens for a reason, & you are the reason.

every once in awhile, when you are in a car, a cab or even a bus, take a minute to look out the window. 'cos if you don't, you may never know what's out there for you to see. a sight that will give that long minute a good reason for you to get a good hard look at something so beautiful for another minute or two.
now that's all i'm saying!

now i know i was again too late to say hi, or to at least give a smile. but even if you are standing in front of me right now, i wouldn't know what to do. 'cos the pain is just too real..
besides, you didn't even notice me. :(

vivo today with corrie. recieved a message from shirley saying that she wants to have dinner with me. she was supposed to come but she was too lazy to pick out clothes, so i guess she continued lazing around at home like a pig!! haha! jk! ;)

walked around & stopped by the arcade to check out the price for pool. $12/hour. daylight robbery! played a round of air hockey instead. stopped by at the petshop & looked at the adorable baby hamsters & very cute puppies. took pictures & videos but as you know, i'm too lazy to upload them.

took a very very long time to find a place to eat. finally decided on.. SUSHI TEI! hahaha, yeah. i swear i love the food there. & as i swore before (in front of crystal & chermaine) that i'm gonna stop eating curry udon from that moment on, i didn't. so i ordered jo una ju! :) :) :) yumyum!

oh! while eating, there's this lil girl next to our table who is so cute! she was asking all sorts of questions to her mum. her mum started a friendly conversation with me & then we got to talking. :)

climbed the stairs & sat at the poolside. corrie & i suddenly had the urge to drink. got up immediately to find 7-eleven. when we got to the door, saw the sign "open 'til 10pm", we brisk walked to vivomart & the same thing happened. so, no booze for us. :(

all the shops were closing so we decided to walk to sentosa. walked 'til we reached & i realised that there was nowhere to go there so we walked back to vivo. on the way back, we stopped for a lil while & that corrie had the craziest idea of screaming. LOL! being with the crazy me, of course i loved the idea & i agreed to join her. =D parted ways after that.
-----------------------

i don't know what to do anymore.
all i know is, i need you here with me.
i need you here by my side.

& it truly is a stupid mortal mistake that you only realise how precious a diamond is until you lose it. you think you did the right thing, then all of a sudden the side effect comes & you wish you never had done it.

easter no happy

played pool once again. but this time, it was minus chermaine, plus vanessa. nothing much happened, really.
-----------------------

i keep having flashbacks. first was when i was out with chermaine, another was yesterday, & then again today!

today was about last year's easter.
you gave me a kinder surprise as an early easter present during sports day. i pasted the puzzle that was inside it on my wall, & it's still there!

& then there was one time during easter day itself, we were at your house in the morning. we had a tiff & then i thought you would forget to buy me the kinder surprise you promised me. but then the next day while we were in the canteen hanging out with the guys & girls, you went to 7-eleven for awhile & the next thing i knew, you were handing me a box of kinder surprise! we ate and opened all three of it, & then we sat there while we fixed the toys together.

happy easter day, you.

do you remember?

first of all, i want want WANT to watch phantom of the opera. but as you know, i've spent all of my money on day to day shopping sprees. ARGH!

okay, so here's how i spent half of my day.
went all the way to suntec with corrie & huifen to buy hf's durian puffs. we ate sushi for dinner & i wasn't satisfied with their tamago. sushi tei's tamago tastes better! met crystal & chermaine after their work for another one of our pool sessions. shirley & delphine came not long after that. played a few rounds. damn, i'm running out of luck! =D ate at the nearby coffeehouse. had prata, yay!

we met at cityhall mrt & i came first 'cos you were late. i was wearing that navy blue "don't judge me based on your ignorance" t-shirt together with jeans & white/baby blue fila sneakers. you showed up with your blue/gray striped tee, jeans & school shoes. we walked all the way to suntec, with you cracking up jokes like what you love to do best. i remember we wanted to go in the arcade to play, but we couldn't afford to 'cos we were both broke. after all that, you sent me home by cab.

& that was how we spent our first date. short but memorable.
do you remember?

my only one..

pucker up!

cheer up, phiney!
we're here for you!

just remember that i love you
& will always be there for you! :)



at your darkest moments,
always remember,
you have 6shoulders to cry on.
MWAH!

hope for tomorrow.

you'll never change what's been & gone,
and all you can do is hope,
hope that tomorrow would be better.

"Learn from yesterday.
Live for today.
Hope for tomorrow."
as quoted from corrie's msn nick.

i miss you..

wherever you go.

ljs for late lunch with walk-home buddy chermaine. & then mr. bean holiday for a few laughs. sushi tei dinner before going for pool. i backed out last minute after i realised im already running out of $$! argh!
-----------------------

if you don't want me anymore then tell me, how do i escape you?

ljs' chicken combo meal, pastamania dinners, minitoons' baby taz stuff toy, your all-time favorite movie the pirates of the caribbean.
when i walk down the street or even in a shopping center with shops that will most likely catch my attention, instead of drooling at the items displayed on the window, i feel as though i'm walking down memory lane again. where you & i walked together hand in hand.
but yeah i know, it's all just a dream that will never happen again. but what can i do? you're everywhere to me.

maybe i don't try hard enough to make myself feel better. but all i want is you.
i would rather remain in this desolate state than not have you in my thoughts & in my sleep.

& yes i asked how can i escape you.
there are actually a thousand, or rather a million and one ways in which that can be done. but i'm not quite sure if i can do even one of that.
'cos you're too much for me to lose..

days like this..

days like this, you think you're not alone but the fact is, you actually are.
you're friends are beside you, waiting for you to open up to them. holding a safety net for you to fall on in case you fall hard. but that's all they can do. no matter what they do to save you from your misery, it will still be there 'cos misery just loves me so damn much.

so what can they do even if there's a safety net for you to land on, if they bring you joy, if they provide you all the company you need, or if they stand by you when you are in your worst.
what? what else can they do besides that? can they make it all go away?

i'm not saying that friends are useless, & i'm not here writing all this out to offend or make a personal attack on anyone in any way.
friends are actually great people who sticks by you when you're in need & when you're not. they try their very best to make you feel comfortable when you're hurt, they welcome your woes when you need a listening ear.
friends are actually there, practically every minute, every hour, every day.

but truth be told, even with great friends around, the pain still lingers. & sometimes when the wretchedness that you feel is so complicatedly outstanding, even great friends can't help. all they can do is to watch silently, give you their moral support, & let us know with a pat on the shoulder that they will always be there.

so to get to the point quickly & clearly, even with friends around, you won't feel any better 'cos at the end of the day, you are still alone.
& then you realise that it's not friends who you need to have. it's that one person who brought the pain in the first place.

happy birthday, you.

happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to youuu..
happy birthday to you.

i won't be able to sing it to you, so yeah.
i'll sing it to myself instead.

happy birthday, you..

oh i miss this.
your 16th.
especially you turning soft & then rubbing my cheeks.
i just missyou, so much..