i can feel you pushing me away. and i can feel that you're totally gone.
but i'm here, no matter how much pain you cause me right now.
i'm gonna try to be strong, and keep holding on.
i'll hold you in my heart, be with you in my mind, and cry my eyes out,
and then try to make myself feel better, alone.
today is the day i realised that i just might be crashing again, like what happened a year ago.
and i'm hoping not to go back there again, because it was something really horrible.
shunning myself away from everyone just to feel better.
imagine me cry myself to sleep almost every night, can you deal with that?
and then trying so hard to smile and laugh, when all i can feel is nothing of that sort.
so if one day, i say that i can't go because of some reason, or that i can't stay because of another reason, then i hope you would understand. because i just don't wanna be a burden anymore. i just wanna deal with myself. i just wanna be as far away as possible, from something or someone that may remind me of everything i've regretfully left behind. and then after i finish fixing myself, then i'll come back.
my eyes are hurting. and i wish you're here to help me wipe the tears away. i wish you're here to hold me in your arms and kiss this pain away.
